one more day until 2010.
last semester, i happened to chat with my childhood friend whom i last saw in my sixth grade. he was taking naval architecture and shipbuilding so he said. not that i can really fathom what he meant by that complicated terms but yeah i figured it had to do with building a ship. obvious enough? hahah. i'm totally clueless when it comes to terms that i'm unfamiliar with and that include all terms except language terms that i've learned in my TESL programme. the thing is, this week (again!) i happened to bump into my best friend from high school and we went down the memory lanes (again!) and it was a hell of a ride..;)
so here's the deal; lately i've been thinking what if i never met the friends that i've met and known my whole lives? what if i met a different set of them instead? would it have changed who i am today? this very moment? would i have turned out differently? would i have different favourite colour? would i be driving a different set of wheels today? would i be someone i would likely to hate today if i looked at them? can a friend really have that significant impact in my life that he/she can determine which side of coins i'll get; the heads or the tails?
and here's the verdict (after a bloody battle going on between my shoulder angel and my constant companion the devil) ; a part of who i am today is the one part that can never be changed no matter whom i befriended. it kinda permanently stays with me because i believe that breaking bad habits are not as easy as developing them. the other part, the much bigger one, on the other hand, is the part that i gave willingly to my friends to mold and to crush and also sometimes, to mend. this is the part that changes without cessation, depending on whom i gave that part to. i believe that this is the most vital part in my life because it can either be harmonious or harmful, making me suicidal or a murderer, a generous person, or simply someone with no heart at all. it makes you scary beyond all reason and powerful as well. and all these because you've decided that a certain someone is worth to be called a friend.
but that doesn't mean that you should avoid all types of people that you think are harmful to your insecure lives. because believe it or not, you can never run away from them. if evil can be detected through appearance merely, then the human population would increase tremendously with rapers and serial killers being put behind bars. sadly though, we can't. just imagine; a mother opened the door to a sexagenarian with a warm smile and crinkling eyes and he ended up killing the whole family after robbing off their money. i mean why can't evil look evil? okay this entry is starting to get way depressing so i'm just gonna skip all these metaphors and get to the point. at times, you actually need these evil people in your lives. why? because they might teach you things that you can never learn in books. no matter how many theories you've learned, how many books you've read, how many philosophies hammered into your pea-sized brain, you can only learn the lesson of life through experience.
"by learning pain, you will be more kind to others"
this line is actually taken from 'D-Technolife' performed by 'UVERworld'. this band is one of my faves of all times. their songs are just marvelous with wonderful lyrics and alternative rock music. okay enough promoting music bands here. my point is evil people will fool, or worse, hurt you at least once in your life. and after a long painful year(s) of swearing and grunting, you'd finally see life in a different view, like maybe you used to see it from a tree and now you're seeing it from a rooftop. yeah i know bad analogy. but i can't help to use analogies even though i'm bad at them. it sounds wicked and sarcastic to my ears. ^^;
for me, the greatest pleasure of having a friend is the feeling of incomplete with absence. especially of those who really, and i mean really understand and can differentiate between what i want and what i need, and most importantly, who i am. they are the ones who knew me when i'm sad without me having to tell them that i missed a certain someone. the ones who won't persuade me to share my doubts in passing my practicum when i'm not in the mood of doing so. the ones who stand by and let me cry because they knew it'd make me feel better instead of faking a smile like i often did (urm i think this happened last semester, the first time i wasn't enlisted in the DL) isk..isk..it still hurts sometimes. but yeah i'll get over it. i've been hurt quite a zillionth time already and some of those wounds still left stitches in my heart which stayed there because they must, or else my heart might shatter into bits and pieces.
my friends used to make fun of me being so secretive about my life, especially about the problems i sometimes had. but they would instantly knew that i had them when i turned so quiet for the rest of the day or maybe the whole week. since then, they've stopped asking why. they finally figured out that i am one of those people whose hearts mend easier by itself. that's just me. if i want the whole world to know my pain and sorrow, i would have written my own songs and became a recording artiste and eventually sung my songs in public and have strangers interpreting and poking their noses into my oh-so-sad-and-tragic life. bleuhhhh~! attention is definitely not something i'm good at. the more invisible, the better. that's my motto in life. and i'm doing pretty well if i say so myself, with not many people acknowledging my existence in the fac or even in the classroom. even my class rep during semester two swore that he never saw me in class after like a few months of starting the semester (i think he'd knew this is him if he read this which i'm pretty sure he won't because he's not a very big fan of blogs i think).
with this, i would like to express my thanks to my friends (yes, you!) who have been loyally following my blog and straining your eyes reading my ever-so-long entries..;p and also special thanks to my besties who knew me well enough to make me willingly gave a part of me to them...
TESLians:
::. Deeba, Tnee, Naddy, Ano, Sya, Syu
Mahmudians:
::. Ella, Iezy, Emah, Ma, Dani
and someone who taught me that broken hearts do heal, that's where strength comes from:
::. Im
this is my last entry for the year. farewell 2009, welcome 2010.
Assalamualaikum.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
half is not whole.
the danger of a broken heart is not the pain.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.
the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.
the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.
the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.
the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.
half is not whole.
but now we must make it so.
~ taken from lauren. thanks. for everything.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.
the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.
the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.
the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.
the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.
half is not whole.
but now we must make it so.
~ taken from lauren. thanks. for everything.
Friday, October 16, 2009
down the memory lane.
it is said that women remember things that men would find impossible to remember; phone numbers, datelines, license number, IC number, promises made months ago, silly jokes laughed at years ago, people they met only once a few years back and so on. what is it with guys that they can't remember? that has got to cross your mind at least once. is it because they're too lazy to do it? or they just plain dumb? or maybe there's a scientific explanation like the males' memory retention is low than that of females'? don't get me wrong i am not a women activist at all. and i am no men-hater either. i believe that both species can actually get along well together under certain circumstances of course. i've even met guys who are actually good with their memories and i've certainly met girls who can't even remember their own cell number. the truth is i enjoyed befriended both types meaning those who can remember well and the opposite. the world is made up of pros and cons right?
the nice thing about having photographic-memory friends is that they can get you out of trouble by simply revisiting an event in their minds. like how you're being blamed at for not locking up the house when you're positive than ever that you did. like how people laugh at someone else's jokes which was originally your jokes a few months ago. like when you've returned something you've borrowed and that person claimed that you didn't. i'm talking about rare cases where you don't have any proof but only a witness. these are the moments where you need witness with superior memory.
the pros of having friends who can't even seem to remember the last time they took their bath is on the other hand not a bad thing either. like how you said hurtful things at them without really meaning to. like when you 'accidentally' start your own idol show and can't seem to stop singing when they're in the midst of finishing an assignment. like when you forgot to turn off their laptop for them. people who easily forget things i'm telling you they don't even bother with these stuffs because they can't even remember them the next morning. or the following week. so yeah i like having them as friends either.
so yes i'm glad to have multi-purpose friends all over the town. it kinda helps me. it does. but more so i like friends who can lie for me. cover-all-the-tracks stuffs. that's the best. XD
and which types i fell into? i can only tell you that i'm definitely not both. it has to be only one. your pick. ;p
the nice thing about having photographic-memory friends is that they can get you out of trouble by simply revisiting an event in their minds. like how you're being blamed at for not locking up the house when you're positive than ever that you did. like how people laugh at someone else's jokes which was originally your jokes a few months ago. like when you've returned something you've borrowed and that person claimed that you didn't. i'm talking about rare cases where you don't have any proof but only a witness. these are the moments where you need witness with superior memory.
the pros of having friends who can't even seem to remember the last time they took their bath is on the other hand not a bad thing either. like how you said hurtful things at them without really meaning to. like when you 'accidentally' start your own idol show and can't seem to stop singing when they're in the midst of finishing an assignment. like when you forgot to turn off their laptop for them. people who easily forget things i'm telling you they don't even bother with these stuffs because they can't even remember them the next morning. or the following week. so yeah i like having them as friends either.
so yes i'm glad to have multi-purpose friends all over the town. it kinda helps me. it does. but more so i like friends who can lie for me. cover-all-the-tracks stuffs. that's the best. XD
and which types i fell into? i can only tell you that i'm definitely not both. it has to be only one. your pick. ;p
Monday, September 28, 2009
no strings attached. maybe.
god tied you and i together by our little fingers with a long red string. this bond of destiny cannot be seen. and there is no map to you. and it's a miracle how we found each other.
it is said that after a person is born, they will meet approximately 30,000 people before they die. of those, the number of people you'll meet and work with at school is 3,000. and of those, you'll intimately know 300. among all those encounters, it' s said that god has arranged a special one for you. one made from before you were born. however, that bond of fate is invisible to everyone. and yet that unseen person is your destiny. is connected to you by a red string on your pinky.
and that's how we fell in love.
over the years i was so busy looking at you that i couldn't see how broken my heart is. how lose the red string has came to be. and yet knowing that it was neither our fault. it was an accident. not the kinds where sirens sound though. it hits us silently yet painfully. so i was wondering...
how do you forget someone whom you've found miraculously without a map?
what if you never find someone else the same way again?
what if it was a mistake and he never have the red string in the first place?
what if he really was the one?
what if i...
what if he...
what if we...
oh, damn.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
nerd attack.
being a nerd is no fun. period. you will get teased a lot. you will be the last person picked out in a group work. you won't even get to have guys gave you a once-over. you might never went out on a date for the rest of your lives and end up marrying the guy your parents found for you who happens to be the boy you secretly hate during your childhood. and yeah even though bill gates had committed the ultimate revenge by being one of the most richest and successful man on earth, it didn't change the fact that humans are still governed and always will be governed by outward appearance. beauty is a must. heart is a bonus. welcome to the real world.
reading this, you might be thinking that yes i am one of those girls who were born as if by a slip of fate to be less prettier than the normal girls out there. teeeet~ as much as you want that to be true, it wasn't. muahahaha...i don't think as myself as the nerdy types with horn-rimmed glasses and braided hair with baggy sweaters and sneakers. and i am not the princessy-types either with heavy makeup and branded clothes hugging my Tyra Bank's figure. not that that wouldn't be a dream for me, it's just that it would be a nightmare for my housemates who predicted incessantly that my head would be up in space if i were to be all glam and popular. jealousy vibe detected, don't you think? ohoho lucky enough my housemates don't have any blogs except for ano whom i doubt will read this long entry and risk her ever-precious minutes of worshiping over korean celebrities...explained why i always write long entries just so she won't bother reading what i wrote about them...;p
back to the nerdy tale. yes i am not a nerd. at least not in appearance. but there's a nerd that lives inside of me. a nerd that comes out at night where i spent hours browsing over linguistics books and methods books and tried to stick a USB drive into my head to save it for good. a nerd that refused to go out during weekends just so she could finish her assignment due the following week. a nerd who let go of every single date she had for she believed that she couldn't commit in a relationship where she needs to divide her time between studying and love. a nerd who prefers to be silent in class even when she knows the answers to every question asked. i've no idea how this nerd got to reside in me in the first place. i just knew that sometimes it acts like a parasite, sucking away all my energy that left me feeling like a worn-out jean. yeah but analogy. i know. but that's the best i could think of. sorry. ;p
now everyone who is everyone keeps asking me the same question over and over again until at one time i thought that they were echoes and that there must be something wrong with my ears, like a cancer or something when really they were just people repeating the same question. it's just a one simple innocent word that ironically makes me cringe every time i hear it. the word "Why?" why did i choose to live a life of a nerd when i could be different? why would i let myself be tormented by my fellow colleagues who make me out to be vindictive and spiteful just because i refused to be understood? why? why? why? (see the echoes i'm talking about??) XD now the problem is not only of the echoes i've heard my whole life. it's also the echoes that i have to hear when i told them why. it's bad enough having to hear the same question being directed at you for years, but to have to hear the same thing coming out of your mouth is another. now the echoes were coming out from my two vital organs; ears and mouth. urrggg!!! so in order to avoid having to repeat myself like a stupid answering machine, here's why. thehehe finally you get to know the reason why this entry is written in the first place. took me so long to get to the objective, isn't it? set induksi yg terlebih panjang maybe...LOL
MONEY.
that's it. that's the reason why i'm a nerd. still in the mist guys? well brace yourself for the longest explanation ever on the importance of money. perhaps you could save this entry and read it out loud to your future daughters when they were old enough to spell A-P-P-L-E means apple. perhaps you didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard. there must almost always money involved. especially for girls like me whose life has been dedicated entirely on shopping. and shopping. and shopping some more. if you were to do a quick survey out there and asked any passing women their choice; for love OR money, 99% of them would say money. the thing is, i would say money as well. except for the fact that i'd really like to be in that 1% ever since i was six years old watching beauty and the beast like it was the best fairytale ever. so i've decided to work my butt to be in that 1% while at the same time not losing the privilege to pamper myself with the shopping spree. and that's how i came up with this brilliant scheme;
1. i would work my ass off in studying even if it kills me.
2. with my perseverance, i would graduate with the first-honour degree.
3. with my oh-so-good degree, i would be working where the pay weighs a ton.
4. with my sky-high salary, i would save some of the dimes and spend most of it.
5. with the money i have on my own, i would get to marry a guy for love instead of money.
now you see where this goes? money is the ultimate factor in my life that keeps me moving forward. if i were to slack in my studying, then i won't get a good job in the future. and without a good job, i won't get enough money to spend. and without money, i would have to resort to marrying a guy for his money since i obviously can't live without it. but...on the other hand, if my scheme works well, then i won't have to find guys just so i could put a hole in his wallet since i have my own wallet to be burned. but i must make sure first that the money is in an infinite amount so that no matter how much were burned, i am still rich as ever. and when that happens, i won't have to marry guys for money. i get to realize my six-year-old dream's of a happily ever after. but of course, that guy must have his own money as well. he couldn't very much marry me for my money, obviously. he just won't have to have all the money in the universe to make me happy. just enough to make me want to stay at his side, and to be protected. i like him to ask me silly questions like have i eaten when obviously i have since it's way past breaking fast time, to laugh at my jokes when i myself didn't even laugh at it, to let me have a bantering session with him since i totally love it so much so that deeba felt like i was bullying her. (take note: bullying carries a negative connotation to it while bantering doesn't..;p) what i don't like is when guys open the car door for me, when guys carry my handbag for me, when guys refuse to split the bills, yadda yadda yadda. that makes me feel like i was incapable of taking care of myself. which is soo not true. i know how to open a car door on my own since i was five by the way. in making decision however, i would rather leave it to him. i'm pretty indecisive. fine. i'm super duper hyper indecisive. so please don't ask me where to go for breaking fast, what food to order, when to pay the streamyx bills, and all the WH-Questions by right. okke ni dah stat melalut dah ni...focus effa focus!!!
so that's the end of this dramatic explanation on why i am a nerd.
and yeah if anyone ever asked me this question EVER again, i swear i'll make them read this entry for 218 times until they can recite it word for word.
p/s: for nerds out there, do rejoice for being one...it might come handy someday...;p
reading this, you might be thinking that yes i am one of those girls who were born as if by a slip of fate to be less prettier than the normal girls out there. teeeet~ as much as you want that to be true, it wasn't. muahahaha...i don't think as myself as the nerdy types with horn-rimmed glasses and braided hair with baggy sweaters and sneakers. and i am not the princessy-types either with heavy makeup and branded clothes hugging my Tyra Bank's figure. not that that wouldn't be a dream for me, it's just that it would be a nightmare for my housemates who predicted incessantly that my head would be up in space if i were to be all glam and popular. jealousy vibe detected, don't you think? ohoho lucky enough my housemates don't have any blogs except for ano whom i doubt will read this long entry and risk her ever-precious minutes of worshiping over korean celebrities...explained why i always write long entries just so she won't bother reading what i wrote about them...;p
back to the nerdy tale. yes i am not a nerd. at least not in appearance. but there's a nerd that lives inside of me. a nerd that comes out at night where i spent hours browsing over linguistics books and methods books and tried to stick a USB drive into my head to save it for good. a nerd that refused to go out during weekends just so she could finish her assignment due the following week. a nerd who let go of every single date she had for she believed that she couldn't commit in a relationship where she needs to divide her time between studying and love. a nerd who prefers to be silent in class even when she knows the answers to every question asked. i've no idea how this nerd got to reside in me in the first place. i just knew that sometimes it acts like a parasite, sucking away all my energy that left me feeling like a worn-out jean. yeah but analogy. i know. but that's the best i could think of. sorry. ;p
now everyone who is everyone keeps asking me the same question over and over again until at one time i thought that they were echoes and that there must be something wrong with my ears, like a cancer or something when really they were just people repeating the same question. it's just a one simple innocent word that ironically makes me cringe every time i hear it. the word "Why?" why did i choose to live a life of a nerd when i could be different? why would i let myself be tormented by my fellow colleagues who make me out to be vindictive and spiteful just because i refused to be understood? why? why? why? (see the echoes i'm talking about??) XD now the problem is not only of the echoes i've heard my whole life. it's also the echoes that i have to hear when i told them why. it's bad enough having to hear the same question being directed at you for years, but to have to hear the same thing coming out of your mouth is another. now the echoes were coming out from my two vital organs; ears and mouth. urrggg!!! so in order to avoid having to repeat myself like a stupid answering machine, here's why. thehehe finally you get to know the reason why this entry is written in the first place. took me so long to get to the objective, isn't it? set induksi yg terlebih panjang maybe...LOL
MONEY.
that's it. that's the reason why i'm a nerd. still in the mist guys? well brace yourself for the longest explanation ever on the importance of money. perhaps you could save this entry and read it out loud to your future daughters when they were old enough to spell A-P-P-L-E means apple. perhaps you didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard. there must almost always money involved. especially for girls like me whose life has been dedicated entirely on shopping. and shopping. and shopping some more. if you were to do a quick survey out there and asked any passing women their choice; for love OR money, 99% of them would say money. the thing is, i would say money as well. except for the fact that i'd really like to be in that 1% ever since i was six years old watching beauty and the beast like it was the best fairytale ever. so i've decided to work my butt to be in that 1% while at the same time not losing the privilege to pamper myself with the shopping spree. and that's how i came up with this brilliant scheme;
1. i would work my ass off in studying even if it kills me.
2. with my perseverance, i would graduate with the first-honour degree.
3. with my oh-so-good degree, i would be working where the pay weighs a ton.
4. with my sky-high salary, i would save some of the dimes and spend most of it.
5. with the money i have on my own, i would get to marry a guy for love instead of money.
now you see where this goes? money is the ultimate factor in my life that keeps me moving forward. if i were to slack in my studying, then i won't get a good job in the future. and without a good job, i won't get enough money to spend. and without money, i would have to resort to marrying a guy for his money since i obviously can't live without it. but...on the other hand, if my scheme works well, then i won't have to find guys just so i could put a hole in his wallet since i have my own wallet to be burned. but i must make sure first that the money is in an infinite amount so that no matter how much were burned, i am still rich as ever. and when that happens, i won't have to marry guys for money. i get to realize my six-year-old dream's of a happily ever after. but of course, that guy must have his own money as well. he couldn't very much marry me for my money, obviously. he just won't have to have all the money in the universe to make me happy. just enough to make me want to stay at his side, and to be protected. i like him to ask me silly questions like have i eaten when obviously i have since it's way past breaking fast time, to laugh at my jokes when i myself didn't even laugh at it, to let me have a bantering session with him since i totally love it so much so that deeba felt like i was bullying her. (take note: bullying carries a negative connotation to it while bantering doesn't..;p) what i don't like is when guys open the car door for me, when guys carry my handbag for me, when guys refuse to split the bills, yadda yadda yadda. that makes me feel like i was incapable of taking care of myself. which is soo not true. i know how to open a car door on my own since i was five by the way. in making decision however, i would rather leave it to him. i'm pretty indecisive. fine. i'm super duper hyper indecisive. so please don't ask me where to go for breaking fast, what food to order, when to pay the streamyx bills, and all the WH-Questions by right. okke ni dah stat melalut dah ni...focus effa focus!!!
so that's the end of this dramatic explanation on why i am a nerd.
and yeah if anyone ever asked me this question EVER again, i swear i'll make them read this entry for 218 times until they can recite it word for word.
p/s: for nerds out there, do rejoice for being one...it might come handy someday...;p
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
an ode to you.
last day of practicum.
finally. my suffering ends.
that's how i thought my entry would be written if you asked me three months ago. guess i was wrong. the thing about writing your future is that it is changeable. just because you wrote it down doesn't mean that it'll definitely happen. the word is MAYBE. not DEFINITELY.
and the future i planned to write MAYBE has changed.
and MAYBE i should stop writing my future from now on. because they tend to change a lot. and i hate having to rewrite everything all over again knowing that i am wrong. i hate making mistakes. who doesn't? the thing is i've been making them quite a lot lately. so here's one thing i hope would not turn into a mistake;
...rewriting this entry. so here goes...
last day of practicum.
i managed to snag a period before recess from Mdm Bavanee saying i wanted to see them for the last time. them here refers to 1C students; the only class i taught that i haven't said goodbye yet. hell they don't even know this is my last day. i never told them. and they never ask. so that's how the days passed without any of us really know what awaits us on this very day.
they were late (as usual...) from ICT Lab. and for the first time ever i was glad they were late. it gave me some time to pull myself together. you must be wondering why is it that this class would be harder from any other classes i've said goodbye so far? the difference is that they are 1C; the first class i entered three months ago as a trainee teacher. who would have guessed it would be the last class as well? in a way, i am most close to them.
a moment alone can actually teach you more than a moment full of people. and there i was. standing at the front of an empty classroom. one by one they came back - memories of making them sign the ground rules on the first day, memories of their worthy-academy-award performance during dr izaham's observation, memories of storming out of class early for their misbehaviour, memories of laughing so hard during choral speaking training that we hurt our sides...we've learned about each other all in this very small four-sided sanctuary. the sanctuary that i won't be entering anymore from now on. and it won't be our sanctuary anymore. just yours. not ours.
and so on that very last day i left them with memories to hold on to and promises well kept. on that last day i did all the things i promised them i would. i taught chee shean and jun ming how to solve the rubik cube. just like i promised them i would. i won't leave them with unkept promises. i gave them the notes for next week's exam and finally i gave them a token of our bond; a reminder of what we've shared that no one else knew. they spent the rest of the day with me in the staffroom. they requested from the other teachers entering their class to let them hang out with me to take pictures. they cried. and i cried.
and that's how my practicum ends.
in tears of regret and joy. regret for not being able to do my best when i know i can do better. joy for knowing that yes they do love and appreciate me.
they might never know this. but the worst fear i felt the first time entering their class was not the fear of not being able to teach them properly. it was the fear of not being loved. yeah that's how self-centered and self-conceited i am. i am not a good person. i never considered myself to be one. now it shows right?
dear god, please don't let them forget me.
please don't let them.
please.
because i know i won't...
funny how they kept saying how much they love me. even funnier how they never knew...that i loved them first.
finally. my suffering ends.
that's how i thought my entry would be written if you asked me three months ago. guess i was wrong. the thing about writing your future is that it is changeable. just because you wrote it down doesn't mean that it'll definitely happen. the word is MAYBE. not DEFINITELY.
and the future i planned to write MAYBE has changed.
and MAYBE i should stop writing my future from now on. because they tend to change a lot. and i hate having to rewrite everything all over again knowing that i am wrong. i hate making mistakes. who doesn't? the thing is i've been making them quite a lot lately. so here's one thing i hope would not turn into a mistake;
...rewriting this entry. so here goes...
last day of practicum.
i managed to snag a period before recess from Mdm Bavanee saying i wanted to see them for the last time. them here refers to 1C students; the only class i taught that i haven't said goodbye yet. hell they don't even know this is my last day. i never told them. and they never ask. so that's how the days passed without any of us really know what awaits us on this very day.
they were late (as usual...) from ICT Lab. and for the first time ever i was glad they were late. it gave me some time to pull myself together. you must be wondering why is it that this class would be harder from any other classes i've said goodbye so far? the difference is that they are 1C; the first class i entered three months ago as a trainee teacher. who would have guessed it would be the last class as well? in a way, i am most close to them.
a moment alone can actually teach you more than a moment full of people. and there i was. standing at the front of an empty classroom. one by one they came back - memories of making them sign the ground rules on the first day, memories of their worthy-academy-award performance during dr izaham's observation, memories of storming out of class early for their misbehaviour, memories of laughing so hard during choral speaking training that we hurt our sides...we've learned about each other all in this very small four-sided sanctuary. the sanctuary that i won't be entering anymore from now on. and it won't be our sanctuary anymore. just yours. not ours.
and so on that very last day i left them with memories to hold on to and promises well kept. on that last day i did all the things i promised them i would. i taught chee shean and jun ming how to solve the rubik cube. just like i promised them i would. i won't leave them with unkept promises. i gave them the notes for next week's exam and finally i gave them a token of our bond; a reminder of what we've shared that no one else knew. they spent the rest of the day with me in the staffroom. they requested from the other teachers entering their class to let them hang out with me to take pictures. they cried. and i cried.
and that's how my practicum ends.
in tears of regret and joy. regret for not being able to do my best when i know i can do better. joy for knowing that yes they do love and appreciate me.
they might never know this. but the worst fear i felt the first time entering their class was not the fear of not being able to teach them properly. it was the fear of not being loved. yeah that's how self-centered and self-conceited i am. i am not a good person. i never considered myself to be one. now it shows right?
dear god, please don't let them forget me.
please don't let them.
please.
because i know i won't...
funny how they kept saying how much they love me. even funnier how they never knew...that i loved them first.
Friday, August 28, 2009
what i've learned from what you've taught.
salam. cewah bulan pose baru nk bagi salam dlm blognyer entry. heeee~
today is the fourth day of celebrating ramadhan at home. and it'll be the last as well. tsk tsk. right off 1630 hour tomorrow i'll be off to shah alam to continue where i left off which by the way means eating not-so-mummy's cooking for breaking fast, swallowing nasi bujang for sahur (nasi + telur dadar) and air kosong. yeah i know. i should stop complaining considering those from the third world who barely had any scrap of food to break their fast. but still...when you think about it for the umpteenth time...there's definitely NO place like my home. or your home for your case. fine. i mean home. period. just saying it out loud sent warmth all the way to your bone, right?
i'm gonna miss home and dad and mum and angah and along. and gemok, kenzo and rei (my three musketeer cats) so much. baby zaara (my first ever niece) can stand on her own two tiny feet now. WOW! DOUBLE WOW! it seems like only yesterday she screamed and grunted for me to carry her. now she won't even let me touch her as she is so buzy walking around with the help from her "furniture friends" (she can't walk on her own without holding on to the sofas and cupboards and all other things within her grasp...heee). god, i don't wanna go back...humphf.
on the other hand, from my careful consideration, going back can only have one advantage. i get to see my dear students for the last time. tsk tsk tsk. tetiba sedey lak. issh tetiba ker? bukan dari last week lg dah nanges2 effa? bwa-ha-ha. takpe my students tak lembek cam cekgu dia. ari tu dah nanges x kan dorang nanges lagi kan, kan, kan? the problem is takut cekgu dia ni yg terlebih berperasaan and cry for the second time. huh. no effa. you can't give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry (again!) because then they're going to realize how important they are to you and start to tease you for the rest of your life now that they have your phone number (tetiba terbayang akashah dan sheikh dan lawak2 bodoh mereka di saat aku sudah beruban di mana mereka masih berperangai annoying itu...tidak!!!) but in a way that is true. they have no idea how special they can be to some people and i can't even tell them that they are special. you might be wondering why the hell can't i tell them right? it's not even national security issue that i must keep it top secret. you might never understand this. even if i tell you, you might still unable to put two and two together and just think i'm nuts. the truth is i can't tell them that they are special and wonderful people because i'm afraid that when they realize how special they can be they might start to forget me and find other teachers who'll make them feel as special as i make them feel. selfish of me right? i often tell my friends that i am, even when they don't believe me. now do you believe me?
knowing my students, whom i know will never read this, in a way they taught me more than i taught them. i taught them what's in the textbook, in the syllabus, what will come out in their exams etc. but they...they taught me things that i can never find in the book. things that they'll never realize how big that it changes my life. 180 degrees and all.
they taught me how to skip my lunch to teach them on articles and not feel mad about it.
they taught me how to punish them by singing a song and not feel bad about it.
they taught me how to pat their heads when they got hurt.
they taught me how to hate going to camp and then loving it so much only because they were there.
they taught me how to support them when they have family crisis.
they taught me how to be stern without making them hate me.
they taught me how to follow my heart and believe them when others accused them of a crime they didn't commit.
they taught me how to spend my money buying 30 exercise books and photocopying hundreds of handouts and not feel short on money.
they taught me how to love myself more and more everyday with all their gifts and praises and humours.
they taught me how to never give up and teach them until it stuck in their heads.
they taught me that learning is something that cannot be forced and that i can only plant the seed and hope that it'll grow.
thye taught me how to fret and complaint about them all day long and still love their company.
they taught me how to become a teacher.
and for all these i'm glad to be back in shah alam tomorrow.
i just hope my sister won't be calling me a few minutes before breaking fast and read out the list of food on the dining table at home just to piss me off...
and this entry is dedicated to my students with early farewell bidding.
nanti sok2 wat farewell entry lain pulak...heheh.
farewell entry part one.
the end.
walking away is tough. and beautiful all at the same time.
today is the fourth day of celebrating ramadhan at home. and it'll be the last as well. tsk tsk. right off 1630 hour tomorrow i'll be off to shah alam to continue where i left off which by the way means eating not-so-mummy's cooking for breaking fast, swallowing nasi bujang for sahur (nasi + telur dadar) and air kosong. yeah i know. i should stop complaining considering those from the third world who barely had any scrap of food to break their fast. but still...when you think about it for the umpteenth time...there's definitely NO place like my home. or your home for your case. fine. i mean home. period. just saying it out loud sent warmth all the way to your bone, right?
i'm gonna miss home and dad and mum and angah and along. and gemok, kenzo and rei (my three musketeer cats) so much. baby zaara (my first ever niece) can stand on her own two tiny feet now. WOW! DOUBLE WOW! it seems like only yesterday she screamed and grunted for me to carry her. now she won't even let me touch her as she is so buzy walking around with the help from her "furniture friends" (she can't walk on her own without holding on to the sofas and cupboards and all other things within her grasp...heee). god, i don't wanna go back...humphf.
on the other hand, from my careful consideration, going back can only have one advantage. i get to see my dear students for the last time. tsk tsk tsk. tetiba sedey lak. issh tetiba ker? bukan dari last week lg dah nanges2 effa? bwa-ha-ha. takpe my students tak lembek cam cekgu dia. ari tu dah nanges x kan dorang nanges lagi kan, kan, kan? the problem is takut cekgu dia ni yg terlebih berperasaan and cry for the second time. huh. no effa. you can't give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry (again!) because then they're going to realize how important they are to you and start to tease you for the rest of your life now that they have your phone number (tetiba terbayang akashah dan sheikh dan lawak2 bodoh mereka di saat aku sudah beruban di mana mereka masih berperangai annoying itu...tidak!!!) but in a way that is true. they have no idea how special they can be to some people and i can't even tell them that they are special. you might be wondering why the hell can't i tell them right? it's not even national security issue that i must keep it top secret. you might never understand this. even if i tell you, you might still unable to put two and two together and just think i'm nuts. the truth is i can't tell them that they are special and wonderful people because i'm afraid that when they realize how special they can be they might start to forget me and find other teachers who'll make them feel as special as i make them feel. selfish of me right? i often tell my friends that i am, even when they don't believe me. now do you believe me?
knowing my students, whom i know will never read this, in a way they taught me more than i taught them. i taught them what's in the textbook, in the syllabus, what will come out in their exams etc. but they...they taught me things that i can never find in the book. things that they'll never realize how big that it changes my life. 180 degrees and all.
they taught me how to skip my lunch to teach them on articles and not feel mad about it.
they taught me how to punish them by singing a song and not feel bad about it.
they taught me how to pat their heads when they got hurt.
they taught me how to hate going to camp and then loving it so much only because they were there.
they taught me how to support them when they have family crisis.
they taught me how to be stern without making them hate me.
they taught me how to follow my heart and believe them when others accused them of a crime they didn't commit.
they taught me how to spend my money buying 30 exercise books and photocopying hundreds of handouts and not feel short on money.
they taught me how to love myself more and more everyday with all their gifts and praises and humours.
they taught me how to never give up and teach them until it stuck in their heads.
they taught me that learning is something that cannot be forced and that i can only plant the seed and hope that it'll grow.
thye taught me how to fret and complaint about them all day long and still love their company.
they taught me how to become a teacher.
and for all these i'm glad to be back in shah alam tomorrow.
i just hope my sister won't be calling me a few minutes before breaking fast and read out the list of food on the dining table at home just to piss me off...
and this entry is dedicated to my students with early farewell bidding.
nanti sok2 wat farewell entry lain pulak...heheh.
farewell entry part one.
the end.
walking away is tough. and beautiful all at the same time.Sunday, August 16, 2009
bend the time. please.
a few days ago i stumbled across a thankful list of a friend.
it makes me realize how many things there are exactly that i've taken for granted all this time.
so i've decided to write mine as a reminder of who i was and am and to be thankful for both.
i'm thankful for...
::. being born and raised as a MUSLIM.
::. having parents who strut and fret about me rather than neglect me.
::. having sisters whom i fought with one second and shopped together for clothes the next.
::. having brothers who teased me for silly things i did years and years ago.
::. having a mom who is a first-born so that my siblings would be the oldest in my mother's side so that we have every veto in making decision among every cousin ever existed ;p
::. having a dad who has nine siblings so that every gathering makes me wonder which baby belongs to which mother as the number of babies produced by each mother seems to be almost always increasing. LOL!
::. having a mom who is addicted to any ghost movies that she turns into a scaredy-cat who's afraid to sleep alone in a hotel room and made her children accompany her every time she went outstation for work which means a free holiday for us. (",) v
::. having a dad who teaches his children to recite the Quran and pray for Allah's blessing.
::. having an over-protective woman as a mom who calls her daughter every day just to make sure she won't die doing her practicum alone and far from home.. ToT
::. having parents whose hometowns are near to one another which made them never to have an argument over whose hometowns it would be for Raya celebration as we ended up going to both.
::. having a sister-in-law who's a bad cook that she made my ever-so-stingy brother went out and buy lots and lots of pizzas whenever i visit their home. yummy!
::. having a first-ever niece who weighs 7kg when she is only 6 months old and refuses to be put down to sleep.
::. running away from kindergarten when i was six and ended up being the stupidest kid in class upon entering Standard One :(
::. being bullied for half a year in Standard One for making all my classmates went late for recess every day for i was the only one who failed to finish the exercises given on time and they had to wait for me to finish them up since the teachers wanted us to go for recess together to promote unity. as if. ToT
::. finding DANI, the smartest kid in class who said "takpe..." when the other bulliers said "mak aku cakap kalau kiter tolong orang bodoh nanti kiter pon jadi bodoh jugak..." that this smartest kid actually become my friend all through primary, secondary, and still going strong. no wonder she's smart aite?
::. staying up late studying in Standard One to unwind the situation above that i ended up being Number One in exams throughout the year. and the years after that. YESSS!
::. skipping Standard Four and entering Standard Five straight away that i got bullied once again from a senior named NIK MUHAMAD HAFIZ BIN NIK ABDUL RAHMAN from the same class whom i secretly called "chickenik" as only chickens bully those who are weaker who claimed that since i am so clever i should be able to do his homework as well. @!##$%&~!
::. given the chance to learn from the best teachers namely Cikgu Azhar, Cikgu Rosdi, Cikgu Norsilawati, Cikgu Rozaidah, Teacher Syafiqah etc. that i got 5As in UPSR.
::. rejecting an offer to study in a boarding school and entering the worst secondary school in the district which happens to be a school where my dad is the principal.
::. bitching about some innocent teachers and still got 8As in PMR. Alhamdulillah~
::. meeting friends like EZY, ELLA, MA and EMAH who taught me to appreciate small and silly things like blaming my physics teacher who sleeps during class and punish us for failing, to cry my eyes out for a guy worth dumping, to skip classes and hang out in the teacher's room and pretending that we were doing chores for some teachers. ish, ish, ish...
::. not scoring straight As in my SPM. serves me right huhu~
::. entering Malacca Matriculation College for a month and making friends with crazy EKIN, KHAIRA, ADD, TEE, KAY and super hot classmates like BEN and BURN.
::. being lied by my sly mom who chose TESL as my first and second choice in IPTA application saying that the sequence doesn't matter because they will look at my main interest which is actually journalism.
::. enrolling in TESL programme which actually is super cool and i get to meet ANO, DIBA, SYA, NADY, TNEE, and SYU who taught me all their dialects.
::. having friends like AIN and WAWA who travel a lot and bought me stuffs and introducing me to RYO-CHAN. lalalalala~
::. taking Mandarin as my third language and to be able to understand every time my dear students bad-mouthed me using their language. muahahaha!
::. getting DL every semester except last semester in which i cried buckets. bwa-ha-ha.
::. having Dr. Izaham as my supervisor for practicum which makes everything A-okay ;)
::. having Mr. Selva as my mentor who constantly protects me from the monsters at school by ensuring that i won't get any relief for 2D class (^_^)//
::. unable to stand spicy food so i am less likely to get stomach ache.
::. being the victim of bad press among my housemates who make me out to be vindictive, spiteful and in extreme cases actually a psycho. which secretly i think is ironically true.
::. being sent to become a trainee teacher in SMK Sri Istana, the worst school in Klang as they say.
::. meeting students like...
++ ACAP who tries to fix me up with his 'silat' teacher
++ KAMARUL who worships every ground i walk by
++ IQMAL who staples every one of his books so i won't have to see all the bad comments from his previous teacher
++ SHEIKH who made me chase him around the class
++ LUTHFI and AFIQ who camwhore themselves using my phone camera when i wasn't looking
++ AKASHAH who teases me for my running misfit at camp
++ HAIRIAN and HALEEM who stop and chat with me every time our paths crossed
++ SYAZA and YA who hang out with me every day during recess in the teacher's room
++ MEARY who first tells me that she loves me
++ MUSA who scolds every student who talk rudely to me and demands their apologies and won't stop until they do
++ CHEE HONG who sleeps in my class
++ CHUN LOONG who carries my books to class when all teachers complaint that he never even bring any of his books to school
::. and many more who constantly test my patience and remind me of my strengths and weaknesses.
::. having a best friend who held my hand while walking to his kindergarten, gave me my first rose when i was six, bought me keropok at the canteen every day using his money for i was such a social misfit as a kid that i can't even buy my own food without making a fool of myself. thanks EPUL for those hard times you stood by ;)
::. bruising easily and recovering almost as easy.
::. being a Malaysian with its multi racial community.
::. being a human being with minds to think and to decide the life i want to live.
::. always being a year younger than my classmates.
::. being alive until this very moment.
when i was five i used to close my eyes tightly to sleep and wish that i would grow older faster so that i won't have to follow what everyone tells me to do.
now when i close my eyes and i open them back again, i wish it was exactly the same time i was 16 years ago when i was just a kid with absolute innocence lying in bed...
it makes me realize how many things there are exactly that i've taken for granted all this time.
so i've decided to write mine as a reminder of who i was and am and to be thankful for both.
i'm thankful for...
::. being born and raised as a MUSLIM.
::. having parents who strut and fret about me rather than neglect me.
::. having sisters whom i fought with one second and shopped together for clothes the next.
::. having brothers who teased me for silly things i did years and years ago.
::. having a mom who is a first-born so that my siblings would be the oldest in my mother's side so that we have every veto in making decision among every cousin ever existed ;p
::. having a dad who has nine siblings so that every gathering makes me wonder which baby belongs to which mother as the number of babies produced by each mother seems to be almost always increasing. LOL!
::. having a mom who is addicted to any ghost movies that she turns into a scaredy-cat who's afraid to sleep alone in a hotel room and made her children accompany her every time she went outstation for work which means a free holiday for us. (",) v
::. having a dad who teaches his children to recite the Quran and pray for Allah's blessing.
::. having an over-protective woman as a mom who calls her daughter every day just to make sure she won't die doing her practicum alone and far from home.. ToT
::. having parents whose hometowns are near to one another which made them never to have an argument over whose hometowns it would be for Raya celebration as we ended up going to both.
::. having a sister-in-law who's a bad cook that she made my ever-so-stingy brother went out and buy lots and lots of pizzas whenever i visit their home. yummy!
::. having a first-ever niece who weighs 7kg when she is only 6 months old and refuses to be put down to sleep.
::. running away from kindergarten when i was six and ended up being the stupidest kid in class upon entering Standard One :(
::. being bullied for half a year in Standard One for making all my classmates went late for recess every day for i was the only one who failed to finish the exercises given on time and they had to wait for me to finish them up since the teachers wanted us to go for recess together to promote unity. as if. ToT
::. finding DANI, the smartest kid in class who said "takpe..." when the other bulliers said "mak aku cakap kalau kiter tolong orang bodoh nanti kiter pon jadi bodoh jugak..." that this smartest kid actually become my friend all through primary, secondary, and still going strong. no wonder she's smart aite?
::. staying up late studying in Standard One to unwind the situation above that i ended up being Number One in exams throughout the year. and the years after that. YESSS!
::. skipping Standard Four and entering Standard Five straight away that i got bullied once again from a senior named NIK MUHAMAD HAFIZ BIN NIK ABDUL RAHMAN from the same class whom i secretly called "chickenik" as only chickens bully those who are weaker who claimed that since i am so clever i should be able to do his homework as well. @!##$%&~!
::. given the chance to learn from the best teachers namely Cikgu Azhar, Cikgu Rosdi, Cikgu Norsilawati, Cikgu Rozaidah, Teacher Syafiqah etc. that i got 5As in UPSR.
::. rejecting an offer to study in a boarding school and entering the worst secondary school in the district which happens to be a school where my dad is the principal.
::. bitching about some innocent teachers and still got 8As in PMR. Alhamdulillah~
::. meeting friends like EZY, ELLA, MA and EMAH who taught me to appreciate small and silly things like blaming my physics teacher who sleeps during class and punish us for failing, to cry my eyes out for a guy worth dumping, to skip classes and hang out in the teacher's room and pretending that we were doing chores for some teachers. ish, ish, ish...
::. not scoring straight As in my SPM. serves me right huhu~
::. entering Malacca Matriculation College for a month and making friends with crazy EKIN, KHAIRA, ADD, TEE, KAY and super hot classmates like BEN and BURN.
::. being lied by my sly mom who chose TESL as my first and second choice in IPTA application saying that the sequence doesn't matter because they will look at my main interest which is actually journalism.
::. enrolling in TESL programme which actually is super cool and i get to meet ANO, DIBA, SYA, NADY, TNEE, and SYU who taught me all their dialects.
::. having friends like AIN and WAWA who travel a lot and bought me stuffs and introducing me to RYO-CHAN. lalalalala~
::. taking Mandarin as my third language and to be able to understand every time my dear students bad-mouthed me using their language. muahahaha!
::. getting DL every semester except last semester in which i cried buckets. bwa-ha-ha.
::. having Dr. Izaham as my supervisor for practicum which makes everything A-okay ;)
::. having Mr. Selva as my mentor who constantly protects me from the monsters at school by ensuring that i won't get any relief for 2D class (^_^)//
::. unable to stand spicy food so i am less likely to get stomach ache.
::. being the victim of bad press among my housemates who make me out to be vindictive, spiteful and in extreme cases actually a psycho. which secretly i think is ironically true.
::. being sent to become a trainee teacher in SMK Sri Istana, the worst school in Klang as they say.
::. meeting students like...
++ ACAP who tries to fix me up with his 'silat' teacher
++ KAMARUL who worships every ground i walk by
++ IQMAL who staples every one of his books so i won't have to see all the bad comments from his previous teacher
++ SHEIKH who made me chase him around the class
++ LUTHFI and AFIQ who camwhore themselves using my phone camera when i wasn't looking
++ AKASHAH who teases me for my running misfit at camp
++ HAIRIAN and HALEEM who stop and chat with me every time our paths crossed
++ SYAZA and YA who hang out with me every day during recess in the teacher's room
++ MEARY who first tells me that she loves me
++ MUSA who scolds every student who talk rudely to me and demands their apologies and won't stop until they do
++ CHEE HONG who sleeps in my class
++ CHUN LOONG who carries my books to class when all teachers complaint that he never even bring any of his books to school
::. and many more who constantly test my patience and remind me of my strengths and weaknesses.
::. having a best friend who held my hand while walking to his kindergarten, gave me my first rose when i was six, bought me keropok at the canteen every day using his money for i was such a social misfit as a kid that i can't even buy my own food without making a fool of myself. thanks EPUL for those hard times you stood by ;)
::. bruising easily and recovering almost as easy.
::. being a Malaysian with its multi racial community.
::. being a human being with minds to think and to decide the life i want to live.
::. always being a year younger than my classmates.
::. being alive until this very moment.
when i was five i used to close my eyes tightly to sleep and wish that i would grow older faster so that i won't have to follow what everyone tells me to do.
now when i close my eyes and i open them back again, i wish it was exactly the same time i was 16 years ago when i was just a kid with absolute innocence lying in bed...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
i'll be missing this.
i miss home so much...right now i'm fighting a terrible cough and flu. the thing is before i went to see the doc, i only had cough but now after i've taken the medication i've started to have flu! i'm starting to think that the doc has flu so maybe i got the flu from him. muahahaha...
i only had this cough ever since i got back from the camping site last week at kuala kubu baru. talking about the camping, it was MOVING! surprisingly MOVING! at first i was dreading the camp, thinking how tiring it must be. but guess what? as tiring as it was, i actually really enjoyed myself. especially because of my students from 1C; afiq, acap, iqmal, wan, sheikh (as annoying as he is!) and luthfi. all of us had a BLAST!
the first day all of the students had to go for a nightwalking activity whereby they had to enter the forest and walked in pairs for like 500m in the dark. it was so cool! i've done nightwalking before but that was during high school. this time i got to do nightwalking as a teacher instead. weeee~ and the best part about being a teacher is that you get to break all the rules and no one can really say anything! muahahaha! so that's what i ended up doing...instead of walking in pairs, there were four of us walking together; kak zana, me, kak siti, and niza. the teachers' team! everything was fine at first and we were walking ever so slowly in the dark; me and kak zana at the front (since we were the ones bringing our handphones when really the rule says we should walk in the dark!) and kak siti and niza trailing behind us. then it happened. we heard footsteps. animal footsteps. like a lion's footsteps or something. but because it was dark we cant really see anything. my first instinct was to run but because i've done this before so i remembered that it was the crews doing that to scare us. but before i can say anything, suddenly kak siti and niza were way ahead of us running! both kak zana and i then ran as well while screaming "kenapa?? kenapa??" it was hilarious! then we found out that it really was the crews scaring us and making the sound. told ya! but it was embarrassing since my 1C's students were there laughing at me! i repeatedly told them that it wasnt me who started the run but they wont believe me..huh!
when we've reached the checkpoint, we had to wait for other students to arrive since they were walking in pairs so it took an EXTREMELY long time for all of them to arrive. a lot of the girls were crying though. you can hear their sobs even from afar. one of them was ain from 1D. poor ain! all the boys were laughing at her. it took about 4 hours until all the students arrived. and it was during this time of waiting that i really enjoyed myself. mostly because i was sitting right next to 1C and 2C students. we chatted the whole night. they made a promise not to tell anyone at school about my running misfit. but still they wont leave the subject! phew~ the funniest was when luthfi and hairian started to fall asleep next to me. hairian had his leg on top of my knees and i tried to shift my position but i got stuck between him and the tree. so i just let him sleep and i cant feel my leg afterward for sitting in the same position the whole night. thanks a lot hairian! haissh...we made our way out of the forest at approximately 4.00 am. i went back to the chalet, took a bath, solat and zzzz...
second day of camp. the morning started off with "jejak kelawar". at first, i thought that they were supposed to hunt for bats or something. haha silly me! what they had to do was actually blindfolded themselves and they had to follow the trail by using the rope. all with their eyes closed. it was like i put it; PAYBACK time! as they cant see anything or anyone during this time, i took the chance to get back at them for last night. muahahaha! i gave them the wrong directions and even make them tripped a few time. again being a teacher is a bliss! after that they had jungle trekking but i cant join it because i was preparing for the malam kebudayaan that night. yup like there's no other person to become the MC but ME! i've to write the script and prepare the hall for the big night.
malam kebudayaan. i was the mentor for group 2. my group's name is BOOM BOOM POW! muahahaha! one member in the group that i wont forget for a long long time would be akashah from 1D. he is definitely one LAZY, SHORT, ANNOYING but CUTE boy. he said he cant act, he cant sing, he cant and wont do anything for the night. so i make him play the guitar instead because his friends told me that he had this thing about guitar. sadly, my group didnt win that night. well, they did their best though. even the lazy akashah did well with the group's cheer and all.
last day. i was the photographer for the simulation activity. but being a camwhore that i am, i forgot that the camera was actually nuar's not mine. i ended up taking a lot of my pics instead of the students. yikes! when i realized whose camera it was, i sprinted back to the chalet and transferred all the pics before nuar found out that i misused his camera. heheh! close call. then we visited the animals; mr porcupine and mr tapir. now i knew why the jokes in majalah ujang kept saying "huduh cam tapir!" nevertheless please pity all the mr tapirs. they have pride too you know. if only they can sue, they would i tell you. for degrading their physical appearance or public humiliation or something.
then the closing ceremony. all of us the facis (as we called ourselves since we were treated more like the facis instead of teachers) were given a t-shirt each. yeay! the good part; they were new. the bad part; they were the same as the students'. what i hate about school t-shirts are that it made me look no less different than the students. even during these three days of camping, all teachers kept thinking that i was a student and scolding me for entering the teachers' territory. uwaaaaa~ after the ceremony however i took a lot of pics with my students in BOOM BOOM POW! my group won for best male participant (toon jong), best female participant (fatin), most sporting participant (can you believe akashah won this???) and the best group for ice-breaking session. yeay! good work you guys! my cheeks might as well got cramped for smiling so much. i also camwhoring with my 1C's and 1F's students. i love you guys so much! seriously! but only because it was outside classroom. you guys were A-okay outside classroom do you know that?? if only you were half as excited as this during lesson time. ini tidak asyik nk kne main kejar2 lam kelas suh blaja! sampai ke kelas sebelah lak tu korang lari! ;p
all in all, this would be one moment of my life that i keep close for when the time comes for me to leave them, i would gladly look back and be thankful that i had a few good times with them as well. i cant believe i'm saying this but i'm gonna miss you...
p.s one month to go till post-prac. time sure moves fast.
i only had this cough ever since i got back from the camping site last week at kuala kubu baru. talking about the camping, it was MOVING! surprisingly MOVING! at first i was dreading the camp, thinking how tiring it must be. but guess what? as tiring as it was, i actually really enjoyed myself. especially because of my students from 1C; afiq, acap, iqmal, wan, sheikh (as annoying as he is!) and luthfi. all of us had a BLAST!
the first day all of the students had to go for a nightwalking activity whereby they had to enter the forest and walked in pairs for like 500m in the dark. it was so cool! i've done nightwalking before but that was during high school. this time i got to do nightwalking as a teacher instead. weeee~ and the best part about being a teacher is that you get to break all the rules and no one can really say anything! muahahaha! so that's what i ended up doing...instead of walking in pairs, there were four of us walking together; kak zana, me, kak siti, and niza. the teachers' team! everything was fine at first and we were walking ever so slowly in the dark; me and kak zana at the front (since we were the ones bringing our handphones when really the rule says we should walk in the dark!) and kak siti and niza trailing behind us. then it happened. we heard footsteps. animal footsteps. like a lion's footsteps or something. but because it was dark we cant really see anything. my first instinct was to run but because i've done this before so i remembered that it was the crews doing that to scare us. but before i can say anything, suddenly kak siti and niza were way ahead of us running! both kak zana and i then ran as well while screaming "kenapa?? kenapa??" it was hilarious! then we found out that it really was the crews scaring us and making the sound. told ya! but it was embarrassing since my 1C's students were there laughing at me! i repeatedly told them that it wasnt me who started the run but they wont believe me..huh!
when we've reached the checkpoint, we had to wait for other students to arrive since they were walking in pairs so it took an EXTREMELY long time for all of them to arrive. a lot of the girls were crying though. you can hear their sobs even from afar. one of them was ain from 1D. poor ain! all the boys were laughing at her. it took about 4 hours until all the students arrived. and it was during this time of waiting that i really enjoyed myself. mostly because i was sitting right next to 1C and 2C students. we chatted the whole night. they made a promise not to tell anyone at school about my running misfit. but still they wont leave the subject! phew~ the funniest was when luthfi and hairian started to fall asleep next to me. hairian had his leg on top of my knees and i tried to shift my position but i got stuck between him and the tree. so i just let him sleep and i cant feel my leg afterward for sitting in the same position the whole night. thanks a lot hairian! haissh...we made our way out of the forest at approximately 4.00 am. i went back to the chalet, took a bath, solat and zzzz...
second day of camp. the morning started off with "jejak kelawar". at first, i thought that they were supposed to hunt for bats or something. haha silly me! what they had to do was actually blindfolded themselves and they had to follow the trail by using the rope. all with their eyes closed. it was like i put it; PAYBACK time! as they cant see anything or anyone during this time, i took the chance to get back at them for last night. muahahaha! i gave them the wrong directions and even make them tripped a few time. again being a teacher is a bliss! after that they had jungle trekking but i cant join it because i was preparing for the malam kebudayaan that night. yup like there's no other person to become the MC but ME! i've to write the script and prepare the hall for the big night.
malam kebudayaan. i was the mentor for group 2. my group's name is BOOM BOOM POW! muahahaha! one member in the group that i wont forget for a long long time would be akashah from 1D. he is definitely one LAZY, SHORT, ANNOYING but CUTE boy. he said he cant act, he cant sing, he cant and wont do anything for the night. so i make him play the guitar instead because his friends told me that he had this thing about guitar. sadly, my group didnt win that night. well, they did their best though. even the lazy akashah did well with the group's cheer and all.
last day. i was the photographer for the simulation activity. but being a camwhore that i am, i forgot that the camera was actually nuar's not mine. i ended up taking a lot of my pics instead of the students. yikes! when i realized whose camera it was, i sprinted back to the chalet and transferred all the pics before nuar found out that i misused his camera. heheh! close call. then we visited the animals; mr porcupine and mr tapir. now i knew why the jokes in majalah ujang kept saying "huduh cam tapir!" nevertheless please pity all the mr tapirs. they have pride too you know. if only they can sue, they would i tell you. for degrading their physical appearance or public humiliation or something.
then the closing ceremony. all of us the facis (as we called ourselves since we were treated more like the facis instead of teachers) were given a t-shirt each. yeay! the good part; they were new. the bad part; they were the same as the students'. what i hate about school t-shirts are that it made me look no less different than the students. even during these three days of camping, all teachers kept thinking that i was a student and scolding me for entering the teachers' territory. uwaaaaa~ after the ceremony however i took a lot of pics with my students in BOOM BOOM POW! my group won for best male participant (toon jong), best female participant (fatin), most sporting participant (can you believe akashah won this???) and the best group for ice-breaking session. yeay! good work you guys! my cheeks might as well got cramped for smiling so much. i also camwhoring with my 1C's and 1F's students. i love you guys so much! seriously! but only because it was outside classroom. you guys were A-okay outside classroom do you know that?? if only you were half as excited as this during lesson time. ini tidak asyik nk kne main kejar2 lam kelas suh blaja! sampai ke kelas sebelah lak tu korang lari! ;p
all in all, this would be one moment of my life that i keep close for when the time comes for me to leave them, i would gladly look back and be thankful that i had a few good times with them as well. i cant believe i'm saying this but i'm gonna miss you...
p.s one month to go till post-prac. time sure moves fast.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
a normal third observation. finally!
finally, finally, finally, finally! dr izaham get to observe a normal classroom. on the way to my class, he joked saying that hopefully there'll be no fight and no fire this time around. hehehe...
today i'm teaching them writing. dr izaham said that there is nothing wrong with my lesson and that with experience, i would become a great teacher. bet he would freak out if he found out that i just wrote that lesson plan at the staffroom two hours before the observation. muahahahaha! he only sms me telling about the observation a few minutes before going to school. am i supposed to write the lesson plan in the car? no cant do my handwriting would have been so bad if i wrote in the car rite? yeah so that's why i ended up writing the lesson plan and photocopying all the handouts at school instead. perhaps i work best under pressure...(info ringkas: ni la ayat yg slalu dgunakan oleh procrastinator sedunia utk menghilangkan rasa bersalah mereka..;p)
at the end dr izaham said well done and that he was planning to observe me one more time but since i'm doing well this third time so there's no need for him to observe me anymore. weeeee~ i also think that there's no need for another visit and to begin with i never thought that there should be any visit at all. heheh. great minds think alike.
p.s i just remembered that i havent paid the tuition fees yet. yikes! and guess who reminds me? dr izaham himself. said he saw my name on the list of those who havent paid. hikhikhik... talk about humiliation.
today i'm teaching them writing. dr izaham said that there is nothing wrong with my lesson and that with experience, i would become a great teacher. bet he would freak out if he found out that i just wrote that lesson plan at the staffroom two hours before the observation. muahahahaha! he only sms me telling about the observation a few minutes before going to school. am i supposed to write the lesson plan in the car? no cant do my handwriting would have been so bad if i wrote in the car rite? yeah so that's why i ended up writing the lesson plan and photocopying all the handouts at school instead. perhaps i work best under pressure...(info ringkas: ni la ayat yg slalu dgunakan oleh procrastinator sedunia utk menghilangkan rasa bersalah mereka..;p)
at the end dr izaham said well done and that he was planning to observe me one more time but since i'm doing well this third time so there's no need for him to observe me anymore. weeeee~ i also think that there's no need for another visit and to begin with i never thought that there should be any visit at all. heheh. great minds think alike.
p.s i just remembered that i havent paid the tuition fees yet. yikes! and guess who reminds me? dr izaham himself. said he saw my name on the list of those who havent paid. hikhikhik... talk about humiliation.
second observation.. ;p
today's the day of my second observation by dr izaham. like he promised, he would only enter 1 C from now on. no more 1 F. yippie! this means that he'll only come to observe me every tuesday since he already made it clear that 1 F is off-limits as well as last period. and guess what? my class with 1 C is always on the last period except for tuesday. so every tuesday it is!
unlike my first observation with 1 F, this time around i dont have to rush over to the class and take over the job of the makcik cleaner. with 1 C, i just informed them that my lecturer will come and that they have to clean the class and most importantly, BEHAVE! and behave they did! muahahaha! love you guys so much. it is kinda funny though watching all those noisy rascals sitting straight in their chairs like statues. gosh their backs must hurt like crazy! for once they kept quiet and listened. once in a while though, one of them would bid me to his or her desk and asked me to speak in malay instead. sorry guys, no cant do. for once you have to bear with me or else i'll fail in my practicum, which is a big no-no. one semester of slaving yourself without getting paid is hard enough. i dont need to go through the same thing all over again.
we did comparative and superlative during the lesson and we played some games afterward. they had to pass around this box while i played the music and they were really enjoying themselves, laughing and smiling and just when i thought that everything is going so well, suddenly...FIRE! the class was caught on fire! all because of some kind of short circuit and get this; of all the days and of all the classes, my class was the chosen one. talk about irony. the light just above dr izaham was on fire and there was smoke everywhere. all the students started screaming and running out of the class including dr izaham. hahahaha! it sure was a sight i wont soon forget. they were screaming their lungs out "Api..api...lari.." it was hilarious.. ;p
the funniest was when dr izaham said to me while waiting for the fire to be put off. he said that why is it that every time he came to observe me, something would always happen. first the fight and now fire. it sure was a miracle that i survive in this school with such disasters lurking in every corner. i gotta give him credit for that joke. thank god my supervisor is one simple and laid-back guy. weeeee....!
yup that's all there is for my second observation. dr izaham said that my lesson was A-okay and that he'll come again some other time and hopefully by then nothing will happen. i wished him good luck though since he'll be observing niza in 2 D afterward. i told him that 2 D is even worse than my 1 F. he got scared as hell and refused to believe me saying how is that possible considering that surely D must be better than F. well again that's the irony. form two students are placed according to their stream. fortunately from what i've heard after the observation was that 2 D actually behaved themselves. thank god or else dr izaham might get a heart attack just coming to our school.
hope against hope that third observation will be normal. ;p
unlike my first observation with 1 F, this time around i dont have to rush over to the class and take over the job of the makcik cleaner. with 1 C, i just informed them that my lecturer will come and that they have to clean the class and most importantly, BEHAVE! and behave they did! muahahaha! love you guys so much. it is kinda funny though watching all those noisy rascals sitting straight in their chairs like statues. gosh their backs must hurt like crazy! for once they kept quiet and listened. once in a while though, one of them would bid me to his or her desk and asked me to speak in malay instead. sorry guys, no cant do. for once you have to bear with me or else i'll fail in my practicum, which is a big no-no. one semester of slaving yourself without getting paid is hard enough. i dont need to go through the same thing all over again.
we did comparative and superlative during the lesson and we played some games afterward. they had to pass around this box while i played the music and they were really enjoying themselves, laughing and smiling and just when i thought that everything is going so well, suddenly...FIRE! the class was caught on fire! all because of some kind of short circuit and get this; of all the days and of all the classes, my class was the chosen one. talk about irony. the light just above dr izaham was on fire and there was smoke everywhere. all the students started screaming and running out of the class including dr izaham. hahahaha! it sure was a sight i wont soon forget. they were screaming their lungs out "Api..api...lari.." it was hilarious.. ;p
the funniest was when dr izaham said to me while waiting for the fire to be put off. he said that why is it that every time he came to observe me, something would always happen. first the fight and now fire. it sure was a miracle that i survive in this school with such disasters lurking in every corner. i gotta give him credit for that joke. thank god my supervisor is one simple and laid-back guy. weeeee....!
yup that's all there is for my second observation. dr izaham said that my lesson was A-okay and that he'll come again some other time and hopefully by then nothing will happen. i wished him good luck though since he'll be observing niza in 2 D afterward. i told him that 2 D is even worse than my 1 F. he got scared as hell and refused to believe me saying how is that possible considering that surely D must be better than F. well again that's the irony. form two students are placed according to their stream. fortunately from what i've heard after the observation was that 2 D actually behaved themselves. thank god or else dr izaham might get a heart attack just coming to our school.
hope against hope that third observation will be normal. ;p
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
why do humans forget?
why do humans forget?
tomorrow's homework
a promise with a friend
dinner you ate two nights ago
the lyrics to the song you supposedly love
the theories you memorized many times
the lesson plan you wrote many times
the name of the person you met just recently
the deadline of an assignment
the wide knowledge you learned from someone
fun memories
painful memories
memories of regret
embarrassing moments
sad memories
memories of crying so much your eyes got swollen
memories of nearly laughing yourself to death
memories of liking someone
memories of being loved by someone
memories of loving someone
memories of someone's death
is the part that controls my memory not working properly?
or is it just me?
growing older and considering every big insignificant thing as everything?
and throwing away every simple little thing as if they were nothing...
i start thinking things like, when we unexpectedly remember a memory of someone's death, is it because that person wants us to remember?
recently my cat's kittens were born, my sister-in-law got pregnant,and other lives were born...
one by one my memories are increasing
but i have to wonder
if these too will pass...
it's to God we'll always return.
amen.
tomorrow's homework
a promise with a friend
dinner you ate two nights ago
the lyrics to the song you supposedly love
the theories you memorized many times
the lesson plan you wrote many times
the name of the person you met just recently
the deadline of an assignment
the wide knowledge you learned from someone
fun memories
painful memories
memories of regret
embarrassing moments
sad memories
memories of crying so much your eyes got swollen
memories of nearly laughing yourself to death
memories of liking someone
memories of being loved by someone
memories of loving someone
memories of someone's death
is the part that controls my memory not working properly?
or is it just me?
growing older and considering every big insignificant thing as everything?
and throwing away every simple little thing as if they were nothing...
i start thinking things like, when we unexpectedly remember a memory of someone's death, is it because that person wants us to remember?
recently my cat's kittens were born, my sister-in-law got pregnant,and other lives were born...
one by one my memories are increasing
but i have to wonder
if these too will pass...
it's to God we'll always return.
amen.
Friday, July 17, 2009
post-exam depression.. ToT
second day of exam. first paper of the day would be english for both forms; form 1 and 2. gotta admit i'm more nervous than my students for the exam. i did solat hajat the other day praying that they'll do well. sometimes i think karma is a really powerful force. i used to make fun of my teachers at school when they said that they were more worried than the students bout exams. i thought they were just saying that to make us feel guilty in which we never did..;p
i've taught them everything that will come out in the exam but still i was worried as hell. what if they forgot? what if they lost the notes i photocopied for them? what if they didn't study at all? what if they failed?? would that mean that i failed as a teacher as well?? oh my gosh. now i'm terrified!
an hour before the exam, i went out of the staffroom to the library to see puan rokiah to book the library for next tuesday for my 1G class. i planned to make them do a little bit of independent learning and find info about the school for their sivic project. unfortunately the library was closed. on the way back i bumped into acap, afiq, musa, and ikmal from 1C. get this: they were studying my notes together. thank god for that. god bless you for not losing the notes or throwing them away or recycling them into paper planes :)
the first thing they asked me was "cikgu, nk soalan bocor!" i laughed and told them that the notes in their hands were the 'soalan bocor'. just read your notes and you'll be fine. so i quizzed them orally a bit on articles, prepositions and nouns and finally of bunga telur and bally shoes. acap answered every question right. afiq came in second with musa and ikmal following behind. we had a good laugh seeing musa got confused between jamal or jamil. haha so sweet! we were then joined by kamarul who insisted that i looked down to the ground floor to see syafiq on a date with his girlfriend from 1A. the guys then started to whistle and you can see that syafiq was trying very unsuccessfully to maintain his machismo. it was hilarious. then they asked me to treat them for mcd if they got A for english and i was like "ooh i'm late already i've to go to the staffroom now." LOL..i luv these guys so much!
later i went into their class to monitor them for 'Pend. Islam/Pend. Moral' paper. both papers were easy! still they were struggling so hard. gayathry and sim yee kept asking me to explain some words in the paper. their malay vocab was so bad! they've no idea what 'sopan santun' and 'amanah' mean! the malays also asked the answers from me. seriously guys cant you even remember saidina abu bakar's nickname?? what are you, standard one?? haaaiish...
after the exam, they told me that the english paper was difficult especially the last section on short story. this is not good. this is so not good. i've just finished marking 1F's english paper and get this: only three of them passed. huhu. what to do? i felt so sad for them especially for firdaus and shahrin who kept asking me whether they passed or not. i just smiled and said i'll returned the paper next week. i talked about it with kak azah and kak noraini and they comforted me by saying that it was great that three actually passed. kak noraini then said she just marked 1F's maths paper and none of them passed. still i was no way near relief. i still feel bad about it. everyday i tried to make learning english an enjoyable experience for them like games and stuff but still it feels like it was never enough. i'm at a dead end. how can i face their disappointed faces next week when i returned the paper? urrggghh..depression..depression..
i've taught them everything that will come out in the exam but still i was worried as hell. what if they forgot? what if they lost the notes i photocopied for them? what if they didn't study at all? what if they failed?? would that mean that i failed as a teacher as well?? oh my gosh. now i'm terrified!
an hour before the exam, i went out of the staffroom to the library to see puan rokiah to book the library for next tuesday for my 1G class. i planned to make them do a little bit of independent learning and find info about the school for their sivic project. unfortunately the library was closed. on the way back i bumped into acap, afiq, musa, and ikmal from 1C. get this: they were studying my notes together. thank god for that. god bless you for not losing the notes or throwing them away or recycling them into paper planes :)
the first thing they asked me was "cikgu, nk soalan bocor!" i laughed and told them that the notes in their hands were the 'soalan bocor'. just read your notes and you'll be fine. so i quizzed them orally a bit on articles, prepositions and nouns and finally of bunga telur and bally shoes. acap answered every question right. afiq came in second with musa and ikmal following behind. we had a good laugh seeing musa got confused between jamal or jamil. haha so sweet! we were then joined by kamarul who insisted that i looked down to the ground floor to see syafiq on a date with his girlfriend from 1A. the guys then started to whistle and you can see that syafiq was trying very unsuccessfully to maintain his machismo. it was hilarious. then they asked me to treat them for mcd if they got A for english and i was like "ooh i'm late already i've to go to the staffroom now." LOL..i luv these guys so much!
later i went into their class to monitor them for 'Pend. Islam/Pend. Moral' paper. both papers were easy! still they were struggling so hard. gayathry and sim yee kept asking me to explain some words in the paper. their malay vocab was so bad! they've no idea what 'sopan santun' and 'amanah' mean! the malays also asked the answers from me. seriously guys cant you even remember saidina abu bakar's nickname?? what are you, standard one?? haaaiish...
after the exam, they told me that the english paper was difficult especially the last section on short story. this is not good. this is so not good. i've just finished marking 1F's english paper and get this: only three of them passed. huhu. what to do? i felt so sad for them especially for firdaus and shahrin who kept asking me whether they passed or not. i just smiled and said i'll returned the paper next week. i talked about it with kak azah and kak noraini and they comforted me by saying that it was great that three actually passed. kak noraini then said she just marked 1F's maths paper and none of them passed. still i was no way near relief. i still feel bad about it. everyday i tried to make learning english an enjoyable experience for them like games and stuff but still it feels like it was never enough. i'm at a dead end. how can i face their disappointed faces next week when i returned the paper? urrggghh..depression..depression..
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
one-of-a-kind.
14/07/09 - exam week. yippie! exam week equals to no lesson plan. hoho! i'm actually enjoying this. i'm such a bad teacher. that's why my karma boomerang is coming back to me at full speed. and worse i never knew how to play boomerang in the first place so running away is out of the question. my pathetic karma would be that in exam week, instead of being in their best behaviours, the students are at their worst. haish...naseb2...
my first stop is 1G. in any other day, i'm teaching them sivic in that period but for the exam i'm monitoring them for BM paper. surprise, surprise! when i gave them the paper, simultaneously Hock Leong and the gang pushed aside the question papers and took out their comics and began reading and talking and laughing. ALOUD. i mean hello?? this is an exam remember?? so i 'confiscated' their comics and separated all three of them so they wont be able to talk to one another with one sitting at the back, one at the front and one at the center of the class. but guess what? it got worse. they still talked! even with all the distance between. with louder voice of course. so i decided to do the reverse psychology thingy..;p
i went to Hock Leong and asked him why didn't he answer the questions and he replied that he had no foolscap paper to write his answers on. so i walked around the class asking other students to lend him a piece of paper. he just stared at me like i had grew on two noses all of a sudden. i gave him the paper and he just stared at me. i take it he's making sure that i wasn't making fun of him. so i asked him, "now can you answer the questions?" to my relief, he slowly opened his bag and took out his pen and began writing. until the end of class. the rest of the gang too began answering the questions. well you know what they say; if you want to destroy a whole colony of ants, destroy the Queen first. hoho!
and then the funniest thing happened. after 30 mins of exam, Rawi raised his hand. i went up to him and he asked me," Cikgu, ini ujian sivik ke bahasa melayu?" and i was stunned. i turned to look at the board and there i wrote 'BAHASA MELAYU: 1.40-2.40' so i answered him,"Bahasa Melayu lah." then all of a sudden, the rest of the students in the class started whispering to one another,"Bahasa Melayu laa.." and that's when i realized what's happening. they thought that it was sivic paper since i was the one who monitored them! i mean just because i'm teaching you sivic it doesn't mean that i'll be monitoring you for sivic as well. for god's sake the questions asked you to do a ringkasan, and then soalan pemahaman and the last part is tatabahasa. now tell me how can that be sivic my dear students??? huhu..and why is it you dont memorize your exam timetables?? i'm gettin a headache with all this...
next stop..1C. i was really hoping it'll be better because i saw them all quiet and nice with the previous teacher, kak aliniey. but when i entered i actually saw them grinning ear-to-ear. what happened next is history. they began talking and discussing the answers right under my nose. they even walked to each others' seats to copy the answers! and this is 1C i'm talking about. so i asked them,"knp ngan cikgu aliniey awk diam ngan saya awk bising?" they replied,"sebab cikgu baaaikkkk..." huh! baik yer? nanti korg..so i smiled and told them that they can do whatever they want but that they have to send in their answer sheets to bilik pk ptg themselves coz i dont want to have anything to do with great talkers. they still talked after that but not so much anymore. well that's better than nothing rite?
in 1F, a one-hour paper turned into a five-minute paper. they all finished answering in like 5 mins. mostly they just circled the answers as they like without reading them. and after they sent in the papers, it's fun time! they began shuffling in the class and even worse packed up their bags and left. it was no way near the last bell. haish..wo hen lei..wo zenmeyang??
so this is how the students do their exams in smksi. at least that's what kak azah told me in the staffroom. i never thought i would live to see this. hoho! dear students, you are definitely one-of-a-kind! ;p
my first stop is 1G. in any other day, i'm teaching them sivic in that period but for the exam i'm monitoring them for BM paper. surprise, surprise! when i gave them the paper, simultaneously Hock Leong and the gang pushed aside the question papers and took out their comics and began reading and talking and laughing. ALOUD. i mean hello?? this is an exam remember?? so i 'confiscated' their comics and separated all three of them so they wont be able to talk to one another with one sitting at the back, one at the front and one at the center of the class. but guess what? it got worse. they still talked! even with all the distance between. with louder voice of course. so i decided to do the reverse psychology thingy..;p
i went to Hock Leong and asked him why didn't he answer the questions and he replied that he had no foolscap paper to write his answers on. so i walked around the class asking other students to lend him a piece of paper. he just stared at me like i had grew on two noses all of a sudden. i gave him the paper and he just stared at me. i take it he's making sure that i wasn't making fun of him. so i asked him, "now can you answer the questions?" to my relief, he slowly opened his bag and took out his pen and began writing. until the end of class. the rest of the gang too began answering the questions. well you know what they say; if you want to destroy a whole colony of ants, destroy the Queen first. hoho!
and then the funniest thing happened. after 30 mins of exam, Rawi raised his hand. i went up to him and he asked me," Cikgu, ini ujian sivik ke bahasa melayu?" and i was stunned. i turned to look at the board and there i wrote 'BAHASA MELAYU: 1.40-2.40' so i answered him,"Bahasa Melayu lah." then all of a sudden, the rest of the students in the class started whispering to one another,"Bahasa Melayu laa.." and that's when i realized what's happening. they thought that it was sivic paper since i was the one who monitored them! i mean just because i'm teaching you sivic it doesn't mean that i'll be monitoring you for sivic as well. for god's sake the questions asked you to do a ringkasan, and then soalan pemahaman and the last part is tatabahasa. now tell me how can that be sivic my dear students??? huhu..and why is it you dont memorize your exam timetables?? i'm gettin a headache with all this...
next stop..1C. i was really hoping it'll be better because i saw them all quiet and nice with the previous teacher, kak aliniey. but when i entered i actually saw them grinning ear-to-ear. what happened next is history. they began talking and discussing the answers right under my nose. they even walked to each others' seats to copy the answers! and this is 1C i'm talking about. so i asked them,"knp ngan cikgu aliniey awk diam ngan saya awk bising?" they replied,"sebab cikgu baaaikkkk..." huh! baik yer? nanti korg..so i smiled and told them that they can do whatever they want but that they have to send in their answer sheets to bilik pk ptg themselves coz i dont want to have anything to do with great talkers. they still talked after that but not so much anymore. well that's better than nothing rite?
in 1F, a one-hour paper turned into a five-minute paper. they all finished answering in like 5 mins. mostly they just circled the answers as they like without reading them. and after they sent in the papers, it's fun time! they began shuffling in the class and even worse packed up their bags and left. it was no way near the last bell. haish..wo hen lei..wo zenmeyang??
so this is how the students do their exams in smksi. at least that's what kak azah told me in the staffroom. i never thought i would live to see this. hoho! dear students, you are definitely one-of-a-kind! ;p
first visit. might be the last..;p
09/07/09 - like any other thursdays, i came to school totally early to avoid the traffic jams. i signed the attendance without looking at the time. i walked to the staffroom without a glance back mostly because i was always afraid someone actually noticed that i never looked at the time. yep it feels like any other thursdays. except that it's not...
today my supervisor is coming for a visit in which in his sms he mentioned nonchalantly (yeah right!) that it might be graded. the horrible part is that today is thursday and thursday means a confrontation with the not-so-lil' rascals of 1F. of all the days, he had to pick thursday. go figure.
so after i got to the staffroom, i began executing by plan to save the day. i rushed to 1F and had to wait for a good 15 minutes before i can enter the class. darn! i forgot that they shared classes with the morning session's students. when the class was empty, i began sweeping and arranging the desks and collecting all the rubbish on the floor. i must've looked like an idiot sweating myself cleaning a class for i can see some students from other classes smirking at me. excuse me for trying to save my ass..muahahahaha...
after that i rushed to the meeting room. haha guess what? i'm late!!! i can see nuar, niza and ika already took their seats. it's not a nice feeling to become the last trainee teacher to arrive in a meeting. trust me. but then again..who cares anyway? my supervisor is coming! aiyo! to observe me in 1F no less! double aiyo!! after the meeting i rushed (again!) to find my students in 1F and reminded them to behave themselves..erm i'm not even sure they know what behave means. haha!
the moment dr izaham came i was already breathless from all the errand. talk about exhausted. i brought him to 1F and for the first 10 minutes it felt like heaven. 1F ACTUALLY BEHAVED! who would've thought rite? but like my mom always said..wait till the end to know the result. for me, i dont have to wait till the end for after 10 minutes of bliss, the class turned to a complete chaos.
you might not believe this but there was actually a GANG FIGHT! all of a sudden, about 10 form 2 students came barging into my class, shouting and yelling and swearing blatantly like i wasn't even there. or worse like dr izaham wasn't there. one of my students was wounded and he was bleeding. guess the faculty forgot to give us a course on 'How To Not Run When Your Students Fight And Your Supervisor Is Terrified'. it lasted about 20 minutes and officially ruined my supposedly flawless lesson plan. i had to chase the bullies out of my class and calmed my student who was now crying nonstop. and yeah while teaching all at the same time. yep i'm a super rookie all rite. huhu..
this is what dr izaham told me after the class ended,"This is so far the worst observation i have ever made in my entire life as a lecturer supervising a trainee teacher" sekian terima kasih..muahahahaha..luckily he added,"i meant the students not you.." phew..and then he kept on blabbing "why did the school gave you this class? why are the students so big? why are they so disrespectful? yada yada yada.." at the end he said,"i never want to observe you in this class anymore. i was TERRIFIED!" heeeeeeeeee...sorry sir my students terrified you. the thing is, each passing day the students would do things more bizarre than the day before that. but what they dont realize is that even the most bizarre thing in the world, if you see it everyday, it becomes nothing. so my dear students, if that's the way you want it, THEN LET THE GAMES BEGIN! LET'S BRING IT ON! ;p
oh yeah dr izaham said he would definitely NOT gonna grade this observation. yeay for me! and yeah i also thanked him for the gift he bought in Barcelona for me. tho tweeeet! ;p
today my supervisor is coming for a visit in which in his sms he mentioned nonchalantly (yeah right!) that it might be graded. the horrible part is that today is thursday and thursday means a confrontation with the not-so-lil' rascals of 1F. of all the days, he had to pick thursday. go figure.
so after i got to the staffroom, i began executing by plan to save the day. i rushed to 1F and had to wait for a good 15 minutes before i can enter the class. darn! i forgot that they shared classes with the morning session's students. when the class was empty, i began sweeping and arranging the desks and collecting all the rubbish on the floor. i must've looked like an idiot sweating myself cleaning a class for i can see some students from other classes smirking at me. excuse me for trying to save my ass..muahahahaha...
after that i rushed to the meeting room. haha guess what? i'm late!!! i can see nuar, niza and ika already took their seats. it's not a nice feeling to become the last trainee teacher to arrive in a meeting. trust me. but then again..who cares anyway? my supervisor is coming! aiyo! to observe me in 1F no less! double aiyo!! after the meeting i rushed (again!) to find my students in 1F and reminded them to behave themselves..erm i'm not even sure they know what behave means. haha!
the moment dr izaham came i was already breathless from all the errand. talk about exhausted. i brought him to 1F and for the first 10 minutes it felt like heaven. 1F ACTUALLY BEHAVED! who would've thought rite? but like my mom always said..wait till the end to know the result. for me, i dont have to wait till the end for after 10 minutes of bliss, the class turned to a complete chaos.
you might not believe this but there was actually a GANG FIGHT! all of a sudden, about 10 form 2 students came barging into my class, shouting and yelling and swearing blatantly like i wasn't even there. or worse like dr izaham wasn't there. one of my students was wounded and he was bleeding. guess the faculty forgot to give us a course on 'How To Not Run When Your Students Fight And Your Supervisor Is Terrified'. it lasted about 20 minutes and officially ruined my supposedly flawless lesson plan. i had to chase the bullies out of my class and calmed my student who was now crying nonstop. and yeah while teaching all at the same time. yep i'm a super rookie all rite. huhu..
this is what dr izaham told me after the class ended,"This is so far the worst observation i have ever made in my entire life as a lecturer supervising a trainee teacher" sekian terima kasih..muahahahaha..luckily he added,"i meant the students not you.." phew..and then he kept on blabbing "why did the school gave you this class? why are the students so big? why are they so disrespectful? yada yada yada.." at the end he said,"i never want to observe you in this class anymore. i was TERRIFIED!" heeeeeeeeee...sorry sir my students terrified you. the thing is, each passing day the students would do things more bizarre than the day before that. but what they dont realize is that even the most bizarre thing in the world, if you see it everyday, it becomes nothing. so my dear students, if that's the way you want it, THEN LET THE GAMES BEGIN! LET'S BRING IT ON! ;p
oh yeah dr izaham said he would definitely NOT gonna grade this observation. yeay for me! and yeah i also thanked him for the gift he bought in Barcelona for me. tho tweeeet! ;p
Thursday, July 2, 2009
another day.
had a relief for 2F today since kak najwa had a meeting. subject: science. hoho..never been good at it. the students kept asking me not only science questions but maths and general knowledge as well. darn! of all the subjects i'm good at, they actually gave me science. this might as well be a conspiracy from the school to test my survival skills just like when they gave me 1F.
anyway, i managed to gebang (a word i learned from 1F's Firdaus which means to lie..heee..) which by the way is an impromptu act of unplanned scheme to save my face. i mean how am i supposed to remember which plants are monocotyledon or dicotyledon or something? i'm not even sure i can spell them right either. hahah!!
so my shoulder angel or demon (whichever it was at that time) whispered to me then and there "change the topic, effa, and dont make it obvious!"
so we ended up playing riddles instead. "Cikgu, apa bende yg akan naik je tp takkan turun2?" alkisah bertanyalah pelajar bernama meor kpd aku yg memang fail bab teka-teki nih. dgn penoh konfiden aku jawab.."Oh saya tau tu..dh penah jawab dulu. jap eh saya nk ingat balik.." And again i cheat! muahahahaha! i asked his clasmates and they mouthed at me "Age, teacher, age!" LOL..poor meor...;p
and then came nithia..with her maths problem. aiyak! double aiyak!! kak najwa is nowhere in sight and she's coming nearer and nearer..dub dab dub dab. i just knew it'll come to this. with nithia, you cant just change the topic. she'll make you wish you'd studied harder during school. haish..luckily, i must've done some good lately for i managed to get the answer! (with only like five attempts)..but still..heee..
then i entered the most 'anticipated' 1F..i was early as usual and kak azah was still in the class. surprisingly, all of them were writing. WRITING! with 1F that's a miracle. so i asked firdaus later on "Why is it that when i'm teaching you guys dont behave like that?" He told me matter-of-factly.."Cikgu azah ni baik. kami buat ape2 pon x pe. nak men bola ke, nk wat bising ke..sume bole. sbb tu kitorg suker. klo teacher len la..garang sangat!" Aku garang? aku?? garang??? hoho..tapi ntah knp senyumku smkin melebar. garang jugak aku upanyer..hahah padan muke korang..
i met a new student in 1F. her name is Ong Re Teng. i checked my record book and guess what? she wasn't so new after all. her name was there all along. its just that ever since i taught this class, she has been absent. i asked her where has she been and she just kept quiet. i noticed that all the chinese males are very protective of her. she seemed very quiet and reserved unlike the rest of the girls in the class. maybe i better put on my nancy drew traits and investigate..(ciri2 cikgu busybody..;p)
with 1C its a different story. when i entered their class for the last period, kata mereka.."Cikgu ni baek sangat la sbb tu dorang wat bising.." Tak kurang juga yg backup aku.."Korang ni dh dapat cikgu baik pon buat perangai lagi.." heheh..thanks afiq. tp thanks tu x bertahan lame sbb lepas tuh dia pulak yg wat bising. cett! kuang asam punyer student. mati2 aku terharu dibuatnyer. i was supposed to teach them 'The Lake Isle of Innisfree' but my set induction went straight into the drain. i was supposed to only remind them about their oral test next week but guess what i ended up doing? oral test!! aku pulak yg kne wat oral test depan dorg. nk suh wat demo la konon2nyer..dekat 20 mins lak tuh..huh! sabar effa, sabar..
last but not least, the incident at the surau during asar prayer really makes it into a cherry on top of a cake. i had miscalculated the time and ended up praying during the boys' time for asar prayer. i went in the surau for a good few minutes before them when all of a sudden, i heard my 1C's boys approaching.."Eh ni kasut cikgu huzaifah ni. (i still cant believe you guys remember my shoes and its not like i wear the same shoes everyday..kids can be so scary sometimes!) even worse then..musa called.."Cikguuuu!!!! cikgu ade kat dalam ker?" talk about discretion people! now the whole surau knew what shoes i wear..haish..
i wonder what tomorrow has in store for me. keep my fingers crossed..
p.s cikgu nuar cakap x elok ngumpat students sendiri. maybe i should send in my name for the chutzpah award next year.
anyway, i managed to gebang (a word i learned from 1F's Firdaus which means to lie..heee..) which by the way is an impromptu act of unplanned scheme to save my face. i mean how am i supposed to remember which plants are monocotyledon or dicotyledon or something? i'm not even sure i can spell them right either. hahah!!
so my shoulder angel or demon (whichever it was at that time) whispered to me then and there "change the topic, effa, and dont make it obvious!"
so we ended up playing riddles instead. "Cikgu, apa bende yg akan naik je tp takkan turun2?" alkisah bertanyalah pelajar bernama meor kpd aku yg memang fail bab teka-teki nih. dgn penoh konfiden aku jawab.."Oh saya tau tu..dh penah jawab dulu. jap eh saya nk ingat balik.." And again i cheat! muahahahaha! i asked his clasmates and they mouthed at me "Age, teacher, age!" LOL..poor meor...;p
and then came nithia..with her maths problem. aiyak! double aiyak!! kak najwa is nowhere in sight and she's coming nearer and nearer..dub dab dub dab. i just knew it'll come to this. with nithia, you cant just change the topic. she'll make you wish you'd studied harder during school. haish..luckily, i must've done some good lately for i managed to get the answer! (with only like five attempts)..but still..heee..
then i entered the most 'anticipated' 1F..i was early as usual and kak azah was still in the class. surprisingly, all of them were writing. WRITING! with 1F that's a miracle. so i asked firdaus later on "Why is it that when i'm teaching you guys dont behave like that?" He told me matter-of-factly.."Cikgu azah ni baik. kami buat ape2 pon x pe. nak men bola ke, nk wat bising ke..sume bole. sbb tu kitorg suker. klo teacher len la..garang sangat!" Aku garang? aku?? garang??? hoho..tapi ntah knp senyumku smkin melebar. garang jugak aku upanyer..hahah padan muke korang..
i met a new student in 1F. her name is Ong Re Teng. i checked my record book and guess what? she wasn't so new after all. her name was there all along. its just that ever since i taught this class, she has been absent. i asked her where has she been and she just kept quiet. i noticed that all the chinese males are very protective of her. she seemed very quiet and reserved unlike the rest of the girls in the class. maybe i better put on my nancy drew traits and investigate..(ciri2 cikgu busybody..;p)
with 1C its a different story. when i entered their class for the last period, kata mereka.."Cikgu ni baek sangat la sbb tu dorang wat bising.." Tak kurang juga yg backup aku.."Korang ni dh dapat cikgu baik pon buat perangai lagi.." heheh..thanks afiq. tp thanks tu x bertahan lame sbb lepas tuh dia pulak yg wat bising. cett! kuang asam punyer student. mati2 aku terharu dibuatnyer. i was supposed to teach them 'The Lake Isle of Innisfree' but my set induction went straight into the drain. i was supposed to only remind them about their oral test next week but guess what i ended up doing? oral test!! aku pulak yg kne wat oral test depan dorg. nk suh wat demo la konon2nyer..dekat 20 mins lak tuh..huh! sabar effa, sabar..
last but not least, the incident at the surau during asar prayer really makes it into a cherry on top of a cake. i had miscalculated the time and ended up praying during the boys' time for asar prayer. i went in the surau for a good few minutes before them when all of a sudden, i heard my 1C's boys approaching.."Eh ni kasut cikgu huzaifah ni. (i still cant believe you guys remember my shoes and its not like i wear the same shoes everyday..kids can be so scary sometimes!) even worse then..musa called.."Cikguuuu!!!! cikgu ade kat dalam ker?" talk about discretion people! now the whole surau knew what shoes i wear..haish..
i wonder what tomorrow has in store for me. keep my fingers crossed..
p.s cikgu nuar cakap x elok ngumpat students sendiri. maybe i should send in my name for the chutzpah award next year.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
happy birthday me
today the clock strikes 12.
i'm no cinderella.
and i'm not planning to be one.
there won't be any fairy godmother to work her magic on me.
there won't be any prince to carry my glass slippers for me.
and there won't be any stepmother to ruin my life.
i've decided that age is simply mind over matter.
if you don't mind getting old, then it doesn't matter.
throughout the 21 years of my life, i still haven't found out what life is about.
i doubt that even if i live to be a 100, i'll never figure it out.
but i do found out what life is not about.
life is NOT about..
waiting for something good to come your way.
doing what you believe people want you to do.
forgetting who you were when you've changed.
making promises you can never keep.
believing that you can always help someone out.
getting caught up in the spur of the moment.
you.
"We have no choice of what color we're born or who our parents are or whether we're rich or poor. What we do have is some choice over what we make of our lives once we're here." - Mildred Taylor
i'm no cinderella.
and i'm not planning to be one.
there won't be any fairy godmother to work her magic on me.
there won't be any prince to carry my glass slippers for me.
and there won't be any stepmother to ruin my life.
i've decided that age is simply mind over matter.
if you don't mind getting old, then it doesn't matter.
throughout the 21 years of my life, i still haven't found out what life is about.
i doubt that even if i live to be a 100, i'll never figure it out.
but i do found out what life is not about.
life is NOT about..
waiting for something good to come your way.
doing what you believe people want you to do.
forgetting who you were when you've changed.
making promises you can never keep.
believing that you can always help someone out.
getting caught up in the spur of the moment.
you.
"We have no choice of what color we're born or who our parents are or whether we're rich or poor. What we do have is some choice over what we make of our lives once we're here." - Mildred Taylor
Thursday, June 25, 2009
when exhaustion creeps...
right. i'm so not a succesful blogger. is it compulsory for us to update our blog on a daily basis?? can't it be weekly?? or monthly?? annually?? ok maybe not annually but still...being a trainee teacher is exhausting enough.
here's my routine for the past two weeks...
wake up..(hoping its saturday..)
go back to sleep..
wake up five seconds later..(realize its not..)
iron my baju kurung..
take a bath..
sms niza..(g kul bapa?)
siap2..(dgn x relanyer..)
jalan pi bustop..(ni klau siap awal la..)
borak2 kosong..(on the way to school..)
g clas yg x sampai 10 orang..(yg len sume pakat ponteng..)
g relief..(sadly never felt relief..)
balik sekola..
sesi luahan perasaan bersama housemates..(the best part of the day)
g dinner..(kat depan umah je x larat dh nk jln jauh2)
take a bath..
tidooo..
bangun pagi..(berkejar buat leson plan..)
yup.
dats my life.
i wonder how long that'll last...
today i taught 1F(the form one class with the worst attitude problem according to the other teachers..). just my luck dat the PK petang proudly lied to my ever-so-kind mentor, Mr. Selva, "Eh, Cikgu Ifa yang nak clas 1F..." Huh?? when did i ever said that? huhu..(x mo, x mo..ku memberontak..dalam ati je la..)
yeah back to 1F..surprisingly they were all there today..not a single truant-er(does this word exist? heheh..). even the chinese males participated today in the lesson. i was asked by my mentor to do a revision on characters in "The Pencil" since none of them can answer it in the previous exam..(only four of them pass for English, can u believe dat??)
we played a game where each of them has to stick a card with the correct characteristic on the board. tong wei shen as always gave excuse for not copying the notes by saying he cant see from the back. this time i used my rusty mandarin "Dai yanjing la.."(wear glasses la..) and all the snobbish chinese laughed along with me. hey it felt really good for the first time to be able to make them laugh. guess i've to brush up my mandarin more..hhmm do i still have my cassandra laoshi's phone number? wo xuyao ni laoshi!!
also today, Amirul Faiz, my student from 1G(i'm teaching them sivic) had human trafficked himself into 1F while i was teaching English..i had to chase him out of the class not because i dont like him but because i'm afraid cikgu syikin will sue me for having an illegal student from her class into my class. Faiz has actually been in almost all of my other classes as well. he practically smuggled himself saying he's from whatever class i was teaching at the moment(like i dun know which class he's from!)i only teach him sivic so dat means i only enter his class once a week and according to him dat is soo not enough..(ecececeeehhh...)
this week i had relief for 1G, 2F, 2C(clas niza), 2E and kelas peralihan..in kelas peralihan some students were fighting and they slapped each other..(the trend in the school: when form one students fight they slap each other, when form two students fight they punch each other..niceee..) i had to break them off as scary as that sound and one of them ran crying to the toilet and i lectured the other student but frankly i dun think he was even listening to me..haiiishh..wo zenmeyang??
1G is fine la because i'm teaching them sivic as well so relief class is a breeze. the only problem is i've to chase Faiz(again!!) to surau because he wont go for his Zuhur prayer.
2C is okay la..farid cant stop teaching, syahirah cant stop walking, syakila cant stop complimenting..(ikhlas ker huhu??), but all in all they were nice kids.
2F is..slightly unmanageable. Niza's stalker is in that class so i've to avoid talking about him at all cost..wah cam ahli politik dah aku skang..penoh tipu muslihat..dah tanyer byk sgt aku tibai je la jwb aper2 pon janji dia puas haha!
everytime they make me mad, i said to myself, "Budak2.."
wonder how long will it be till i can say that without gritting my teeth..
huahuahuahuahua...!!!
the best moment:
1. when one student came up to me after class and said "saya sayang cikgu.." (owh terharunyer..)
2. when two students (1F no less) came up to me after class and asked me to use another period to continue teaching them..(which i did..org dah mintak kan..kan..)
3. when one student came and apologized for misbehaving in the class and thanked me for willing to sacrifice my lunch time to teach him on articles..(baru korang tau cikgu sanggup berpanas berlapo demi korang..tapi lapo sungguh ari tuh!)
the worst moment:
1. salah masuk relief..haha x sabo sgt first time dapat relief sampai sejam awal dibuatnyer..malu jugok la sket..
2. kaki melecet the whole week so jalan terhencut2 sambil cover la. so i ended up walking so ayu to class when really my feet are hurting like crazy!
3. waiting for the last bell to ring...
yup.
my life as a trainee teacher is all roses and thorns..
whats a rose without its thorns rite??
its a package delivered straight to you with no guarantee and are not returnable..once you love your students, you keep them for life.
until then.
here's my routine for the past two weeks...
wake up..(hoping its saturday..)
go back to sleep..
wake up five seconds later..(realize its not..)
iron my baju kurung..
take a bath..
sms niza..(g kul bapa?)
siap2..(dgn x relanyer..)
jalan pi bustop..(ni klau siap awal la..)
borak2 kosong..(on the way to school..)
g clas yg x sampai 10 orang..(yg len sume pakat ponteng..)
g relief..(sadly never felt relief..)
balik sekola..
sesi luahan perasaan bersama housemates..(the best part of the day)
g dinner..(kat depan umah je x larat dh nk jln jauh2)
take a bath..
tidooo..
bangun pagi..(berkejar buat leson plan..)
yup.
dats my life.
i wonder how long that'll last...
today i taught 1F(the form one class with the worst attitude problem according to the other teachers..). just my luck dat the PK petang proudly lied to my ever-so-kind mentor, Mr. Selva, "Eh, Cikgu Ifa yang nak clas 1F..." Huh?? when did i ever said that? huhu..(x mo, x mo..ku memberontak..dalam ati je la..)
yeah back to 1F..surprisingly they were all there today..not a single truant-er(does this word exist? heheh..). even the chinese males participated today in the lesson. i was asked by my mentor to do a revision on characters in "The Pencil" since none of them can answer it in the previous exam..(only four of them pass for English, can u believe dat??)
we played a game where each of them has to stick a card with the correct characteristic on the board. tong wei shen as always gave excuse for not copying the notes by saying he cant see from the back. this time i used my rusty mandarin "Dai yanjing la.."(wear glasses la..) and all the snobbish chinese laughed along with me. hey it felt really good for the first time to be able to make them laugh. guess i've to brush up my mandarin more..hhmm do i still have my cassandra laoshi's phone number? wo xuyao ni laoshi!!
also today, Amirul Faiz, my student from 1G(i'm teaching them sivic) had human trafficked himself into 1F while i was teaching English..i had to chase him out of the class not because i dont like him but because i'm afraid cikgu syikin will sue me for having an illegal student from her class into my class. Faiz has actually been in almost all of my other classes as well. he practically smuggled himself saying he's from whatever class i was teaching at the moment(like i dun know which class he's from!)i only teach him sivic so dat means i only enter his class once a week and according to him dat is soo not enough..(ecececeeehhh...)
this week i had relief for 1G, 2F, 2C(clas niza), 2E and kelas peralihan..in kelas peralihan some students were fighting and they slapped each other..(the trend in the school: when form one students fight they slap each other, when form two students fight they punch each other..niceee..) i had to break them off as scary as that sound and one of them ran crying to the toilet and i lectured the other student but frankly i dun think he was even listening to me..haiiishh..wo zenmeyang??
1G is fine la because i'm teaching them sivic as well so relief class is a breeze. the only problem is i've to chase Faiz(again!!) to surau because he wont go for his Zuhur prayer.
2C is okay la..farid cant stop teaching, syahirah cant stop walking, syakila cant stop complimenting..(ikhlas ker huhu??), but all in all they were nice kids.
2F is..slightly unmanageable. Niza's stalker is in that class so i've to avoid talking about him at all cost..wah cam ahli politik dah aku skang..penoh tipu muslihat..dah tanyer byk sgt aku tibai je la jwb aper2 pon janji dia puas haha!
everytime they make me mad, i said to myself, "Budak2.."
wonder how long will it be till i can say that without gritting my teeth..
huahuahuahuahua...!!!
the best moment:
1. when one student came up to me after class and said "saya sayang cikgu.." (owh terharunyer..)
2. when two students (1F no less) came up to me after class and asked me to use another period to continue teaching them..(which i did..org dah mintak kan..kan..)
3. when one student came and apologized for misbehaving in the class and thanked me for willing to sacrifice my lunch time to teach him on articles..(baru korang tau cikgu sanggup berpanas berlapo demi korang..tapi lapo sungguh ari tuh!)
the worst moment:
1. salah masuk relief..haha x sabo sgt first time dapat relief sampai sejam awal dibuatnyer..malu jugok la sket..
2. kaki melecet the whole week so jalan terhencut2 sambil cover la. so i ended up walking so ayu to class when really my feet are hurting like crazy!
3. waiting for the last bell to ring...
yup.
my life as a trainee teacher is all roses and thorns..
whats a rose without its thorns rite??
its a package delivered straight to you with no guarantee and are not returnable..once you love your students, you keep them for life.
until then.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
prac o prac...
SMK Sri Istana. Yup. That's where i'll be torturing myself for three months. After the final list was out, i figured that it must be one of those schools where all the lords' heirs went to. I mean Sri Istana, go figure. On Mon however, it was like a sick version of a fairy tale. It was like Sleeping Beauty waking up to find her Prince only it wasn't the Prince but the donkey from Shrek...ok i know. Bad anology. But still. It was like an American version of a school in Utah.
The good thing is that the principal Pn. Mawarni is waaay nice. I was told that the students are mostly orphans. They had family crisis all their lives. The rest came from broken families and some never even knew who their parents are. Here's what i think: these kids they dun even trust adults. They've been hurt by adults and they hide the pain by inflicting it onto others. The principal said that "If only one student came to see you to share his/her problem, then you are successful enough." I gotta admit; i was kinda spaced out for the rest of the conversation as i was mostly occupied with my own super crazee thoughts (explains why the other trainees did most of the talking, hehe...) What if they dun trust me enough to let me teach them? Considering all the stories i've heard about car-scratching and tyres-puncturing, it'll be a hell of an experience. Fortunately i'm riding with the other trainee to school and if there'll be scratch we won't know who is it for rite?? (unless the students wrote my name instead of Niza on the car, which i hope they dont coz then he might start a quarrel with me and it'll tarnish the fac's image - us not being united and all, heee...)
Talking about the other trainees, there were four of us. All giddy + excited + nervous bout the school. Here's my first impression on them:
Niza: very composed, very SR-like (he's already called the school b4 pre-prac is over), an expert liar (he bluffed his way sayin' its only 5 mins walk to school when it was like 20)
Nuar: extremely passionate in teaching (quote from anonymous: "klo aku ade anak nti, konpem aku nk anta dia ke sek anuar ngajar"), most friendly (the male teachers kept callin' him Cikgu Hairul, Cikgu Hairul...like they've known him for life)
Ika: very2 motherly (siyes la...klo my mom tgk sah2 nk wat menantu), professional (the way she kept nodding her head and bringin' the google map), hardworking betol (time ROS ye leh wat report kat sek time2 tu gak!)
I dun think i can yet say "I love my school" for now. It just didn't feel right. If i say it but i didn't really mean it, then where's the sense in that, rite? Time will tell, i guess...Hopefully at the end of these three months i'll be able to stand in a crowd and say firm and proud; "I'm glad i was here..."
The good thing is that the principal Pn. Mawarni is waaay nice. I was told that the students are mostly orphans. They had family crisis all their lives. The rest came from broken families and some never even knew who their parents are. Here's what i think: these kids they dun even trust adults. They've been hurt by adults and they hide the pain by inflicting it onto others. The principal said that "If only one student came to see you to share his/her problem, then you are successful enough." I gotta admit; i was kinda spaced out for the rest of the conversation as i was mostly occupied with my own super crazee thoughts (explains why the other trainees did most of the talking, hehe...) What if they dun trust me enough to let me teach them? Considering all the stories i've heard about car-scratching and tyres-puncturing, it'll be a hell of an experience. Fortunately i'm riding with the other trainee to school and if there'll be scratch we won't know who is it for rite?? (unless the students wrote my name instead of Niza on the car, which i hope they dont coz then he might start a quarrel with me and it'll tarnish the fac's image - us not being united and all, heee...)
Talking about the other trainees, there were four of us. All giddy + excited + nervous bout the school. Here's my first impression on them:
Niza: very composed, very SR-like (he's already called the school b4 pre-prac is over), an expert liar (he bluffed his way sayin' its only 5 mins walk to school when it was like 20)
Nuar: extremely passionate in teaching (quote from anonymous: "klo aku ade anak nti, konpem aku nk anta dia ke sek anuar ngajar"), most friendly (the male teachers kept callin' him Cikgu Hairul, Cikgu Hairul...like they've known him for life)
Ika: very2 motherly (siyes la...klo my mom tgk sah2 nk wat menantu), professional (the way she kept nodding her head and bringin' the google map), hardworking betol (time ROS ye leh wat report kat sek time2 tu gak!)
I dun think i can yet say "I love my school" for now. It just didn't feel right. If i say it but i didn't really mean it, then where's the sense in that, rite? Time will tell, i guess...Hopefully at the end of these three months i'll be able to stand in a crowd and say firm and proud; "I'm glad i was here..."
i'm back??
Errmmm where should i begin? Maybe i should start with the story of how busy i got over the semesters and left my blog unattended? Or the times when i forgot my own password and couldn't even write in my own blog? Or maybe the one where i'd actually recreated a new blog last October but i also forgot about it? Or better yet; the one when i...wait a minute. Huh guess i just explained myself. Successfully no less. Heeeeeeee...
The first entry should begin with a positive note right? Wrong. The result was out and i've read the mini transcript and i practically bored hole through the laptop screen just staring at them. It could've been seconds, minutes, or hours (ok just kidding...) but still...it was preposterous! The result i mean not the screen. Darn! I knew i didn't do very well last semester but THIS? My mom called then and we talked for hours (ok for a few minutes but you know how girls love to exaggerate rite?) Anyway it kinda like being woken up by cold water. Yup mom's always rite. I hate that. Heheh. "At least you can still go for your prac". Thanks mom (i'll water ur plants with real water after this like a week maybe) No more VC Award for me i guess. Hey it feels good to be writing again. Why did i ever stop blogging?
p/s: i just hope that on graduation day when wawa actually walk up the stage for his VC Award, i won't be the one who will scream "It should've been me up there if it wasn't for Method Writing and Grammar in Part 6!!!" (please dun let wawa read dis...ngeh2)
The first entry should begin with a positive note right? Wrong. The result was out and i've read the mini transcript and i practically bored hole through the laptop screen just staring at them. It could've been seconds, minutes, or hours (ok just kidding...) but still...it was preposterous! The result i mean not the screen. Darn! I knew i didn't do very well last semester but THIS? My mom called then and we talked for hours (ok for a few minutes but you know how girls love to exaggerate rite?) Anyway it kinda like being woken up by cold water. Yup mom's always rite. I hate that. Heheh. "At least you can still go for your prac". Thanks mom (i'll water ur plants with real water after this like a week maybe) No more VC Award for me i guess. Hey it feels good to be writing again. Why did i ever stop blogging?
p/s: i just hope that on graduation day when wawa actually walk up the stage for his VC Award, i won't be the one who will scream "It should've been me up there if it wasn't for Method Writing and Grammar in Part 6!!!" (please dun let wawa read dis...ngeh2)
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