what i've learned from what you've taught.

salam. cewah bulan pose baru nk bagi salam dlm blognyer entry. heeee~

today is the fourth day of celebrating ramadhan at home. and it'll be the last as well. tsk tsk. right off 1630 hour tomorrow i'll be off to shah alam to continue where i left off which by the way means eating not-so-mummy's cooking for breaking fast, swallowing nasi bujang for sahur (nasi + telur dadar) and air kosong. yeah i know. i should stop complaining considering those from the third world who barely had any scrap of food to break their fast. but still...when you think about it for the umpteenth time...there's definitely NO place like my home. or your home for your case. fine. i mean home. period. just saying it out loud sent warmth all the way to your bone, right?

i'm gonna miss home and dad and mum and angah and along. and gemok, kenzo and rei (my three musketeer cats) so much. baby zaara (my first ever niece) can stand on her own two tiny feet now. WOW! DOUBLE WOW! it seems like only yesterday she screamed and grunted for me to carry her. now she won't even let me touch her as she is so buzy walking around with the help from her "furniture friends" (she can't walk on her own without holding on to the sofas and cupboards and all other things within her grasp...heee). god, i don't wanna go back...humphf.

on the other hand, from my careful consideration, going back can only have one advantage. i get to see my dear students for the last time. tsk tsk tsk. tetiba sedey lak. issh tetiba ker? bukan dari last week lg dah nanges2 effa? bwa-ha-ha. takpe my students tak lembek cam cekgu dia. ari tu dah nanges x kan dorang nanges lagi kan, kan, kan? the problem is takut cekgu dia ni yg terlebih berperasaan and cry for the second time. huh. no effa. you can't give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry (again!) because then they're going to realize how important they are to you and start to tease you for the rest of your life now that they have your phone number (tetiba terbayang akashah dan sheikh dan lawak2 bodoh mereka di saat aku sudah beruban di mana mereka masih berperangai annoying itu...tidak!!!) but in a way that is true. they have no idea how special they can be to some people and i can't even tell them that they are special. you might be wondering why the hell can't i tell them right? it's not even national security issue that i must keep it top secret. you might never understand this. even if i tell you, you might still unable to put two and two together and just think i'm nuts. the truth is i can't tell them that they are special and wonderful people because i'm afraid that when they realize how special they can be they might start to forget me and find other teachers who'll make them feel as special as i make them feel. selfish of me right? i often tell my friends that i am, even when they don't believe me. now do you believe me?

knowing my students, whom i know will never read this, in a way they taught me more than i taught them. i taught them what's in the textbook, in the syllabus, what will come out in their exams etc. but they...they taught me things that i can never find in the book. things that they'll never realize how big that it changes my life. 180 degrees and all.

they taught me how to skip my lunch to teach them on articles and not feel mad about it.
they taught me how to punish them by singing a song and not feel bad about it.
they taught me how to pat their heads when they got hurt.
they taught me how to hate going to camp and then loving it so much only because they were there.
they taught me how to support them when they have family crisis.
they taught me how to be stern without making them hate me.
they taught me how to follow my heart and believe them when others accused them of a crime they didn't commit.
they taught me how to spend my money buying 30 exercise books and photocopying hundreds of handouts and not feel short on money.
they taught me how to love myself more and more everyday with all their gifts and praises and humours.
they taught me how to never give up and teach them until it stuck in their heads.
they taught me that learning is something that cannot be forced and that i can only plant the seed and hope that it'll grow.
thye taught me how to fret and complaint about them all day long and still love their company.
they taught me how to become a teacher.

and for all these i'm glad to be back in shah alam tomorrow.

i just hope my sister won't be calling me a few minutes before breaking fast and read out the list of food on the dining table at home just to piss me off...

and this entry is dedicated to my students with early farewell bidding.
nanti sok2 wat farewell entry lain pulak...heheh.
farewell entry part one.
the end.

walking away is tough. and beautiful all at the same time.