how do people do it? how do you say you're sorry by making as little damage as possible to the already damaging situation? for all you know, that person might be waiting his/her entire lifetime for the moment when you drop the 'S' word and then BAM! they blow up, and along the way, shredding you into million tiny pieces, flying into different directions to all parts of the universe. and then you need an entire lifetime just to collect all those missing pieces, and another one to put them all back together. is it worth it then? i used to think a definite NO is the safest bet. just leave things the way they are and people would eventually forget. no need to go through all the hassle just to make yourself feel better. i mean, admit it: apologizing is more about you than the other person you are at fault with. it's not because you feel bad about troubling them but because you want to make yourself feel less terrible. humans are the most selfish creatures, everyone knows that. so why bother to act all goody-goody when everyone's morality is at par with yours? but i was wrong and it hit me so hard that it turned me numbed cold. without apologies the bad feelings are allowed to grow until eventually they grow into something so big and ugly that it is almost impossible to repair. it is difficult to humble ourselves and admit that that we may have made a mistake. however, when you think about the repercussions of not making a simple apology, you will realize that it's worth the effort.
the word SORRY could be the most powerful word in a person's life. it could cost a life or even save it. and i'm not talking about instances where you accidentally stepped on your friend's foot or spilled coffee on her desk or picking up her things by mistake. those are minor faults with minor damages. except if you had a Mr. Hyde as a friend. in that case, my condolences to you. but more so, what if you have wrecked a person's life, smashed it, turned it into a pile of dust, and just leave. i have done that. i was very young then, but it didn't make me less guilty. i did it, and i left. i figured time would heal everything and every one. and for many years, i seriously believed it. i haven't given much thought about it, and it was going on well for me. until it begins to catch up and open up stitches till it bleeds again.
i am 22 years old. and i've learned that if you wronged someone, you tell them you're sorry, you offered explanation, and wished them well. you get more chance of being forgiven. four years ago, i was too busy building dreams and running after them that i destroyed someone else's dream. even worse, i knew i was apart of that dream, but still i left. i robbed off a person's dream so that i could get mine. the thing is, i didn't feel remorse at all at that time. i even forgot about it after a while. and years after that, i even forgot why i left. and i never bothered to remember why. i moved on. but as it is, as you moved on, you'll eventually come back to the first place you've once started. after spending years in hallucination, i came back. and i remembered.
it was like an amnesiac patient who finally remembered that she was a criminal who's taken thousands of lives. i hope with all my heart that the person i wronged would lash out at me, curse me, turn every one against me, hate my guts, anything to get even. but he didn't. he did nothing. so after four years messing up someone's life, how do you say you're sorry? after four years of hurting someone's sentiments of love, how do you repent for forgiveness? after four years of thinking i know what i want, how do you live on knowing that the only thing you want is the one you've destroyed? i guess the easiest way to say you're sorry is just to say it.
now i know - circumstances didn't cause you to destroy someone, but pride did.
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