you're the sorrow behind my door.

Behind every closed magnificent door, you might find a child who eats his dinner alone. A kettle left unattended. An ant lost from its colony. A girl with diamonds around her neck and yet she's crying. They are all the same. They are all broken.

I remembered a little girl with a sweet smile. She let me sleep in her bed. A book was under her pillow. Few seconds after reading it, I realized what it was. A diary. This girl whose dad owns a sumptuous amount of money, who has piano and horseback riding lessons every week, who receives presents from abroad relatives. This girl actually wrote a diary.

l never looked at her the same anymore. All I see is a broken child. A sister waiting for her runaway brother to come home. A girl who reheats her food because that's what the note on the fridge read. A daughter who hasn't seen her father for months. And I thought her life was heaven.

I have lost things too. And with everything I've lost, I've also found something else. Most of the times, they are intangible. Strength, wisdom, and also - faith. But these intangible things are confusing because they cannot be seen, only felt. Therefore, often I thought I haven't gained anything when really I've gained more. Allah knows better, really He does.

I guess to those who much is given, much is lost too. Probably when you met someone who seems to have it all - beauty, wealth, success, love etc - know that they too, could have lost just as much before. People rarely admit it, but all of us carry our own emotional baggage with us everywhere. Failed marriages, death of loved ones, incurable drug addiction. It could be anything. Everything.

Put effort into your life, don't envy what others have. Probably their lives are sadder than yours. They just don't show it the way you won't show yours. We are born actors. We built our own stage and live someone else's life. Most people get sad very young, don't you think?

Be thankful. Be very thankful.

why do people forget?

Sometimes I wish I don't have to learn the hard way. Which is absurd because everyone knows that the best lessons in life are the ones you learnt from your worst mistakes. Just that sometimes, in those brief moments before I sleep, where my eyes are halfway close, I would hit the rewind button. And the images would only stop at the same time frame, where I once made my worst mistake. Every single bloody time.

That's probably why people chose to forget. Forgetfulness is an asset. It erases the dark days of your past like they'd never happened. You'll be able to start again. Create new memories. Invent a story that was never there. Be someone else.

But by choosing to forget, you really haven't learned anything. Which means you are bound to repeat that same bloody mistake.

So yeah, that's why I'm still awake at two in the morning. Remembering, tasting the pain of my mistake. It reminds me that I'm human. And being human, we simply make mistakes because we attach ourselves to what the world has to offer - money, status, love, relationship etc. As of now, I'm detaching myself from these things so that they won't hurt me.

But probably the best lesson I've learnt is not to follow my heart. It once led me to you.