last night, i wrote a draft of an article review on functional linguistics. doing assignment on a saturday night is another way of saying i have no life. or that my life revolves around studying. this morning just had a discussion on yet another article review on applied linguistics with classmates.
i used to have tunnel vision. i could just block everything out if i wanted to. i blocked him out for many years, without much difficulty. i blocked the pain, memories, and high hopes. but now my vision is becoming blurry. i couldn't get myself to block anymore. they keep hitting the wall endlessly that it starts to crumble.
as i was doing the review last night, tears slid down my face. drops of tears dampened the papers causing dots of smudges on the newly printed article. what is wrong with me, i wonder. have i lost the ability to block? where the hell is my tunnel vision? why couldn't i find it?
after several drops, i wiped them away and told myself to get a grip. block it ifa, block it for god's sake. just block all the pain like you used to. and i did manage to block it out. but only for a good ten minutes before they started pouring out again. then i blocked it again. i kept on repeating this until i was done with the review.
in case you are wondering, this is called healing.
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